Bruce Wayne Begrudgingly Discusses Ben Affleck As Batman

batmanBruce Wayne, in town to make a donation to Eastern Maine Medical Center’s Cancer Center on behalf of The Wayne Foundation, stopped by The House on the Hill afterwards to chat, Modern Philosophers

Wayne, who is good friends with Stephen and Tabitha King, agreed to meet because he felt it was finally time to address the cowled elephant in the room.  The Kings suggested using my blog as an avenue for this, and I am eternally grateful.

My guest, although one of the richest men in the world, didn’t mind putting his legs up on the porch railing and sipping a Snapple with his host.

“I feel a little under dressed for the occasion,” he said to me with a sly grin and a wink as he eyed by toga.

tuxedoLet it be known that the man looked like James Bond in a very expensive tuxedo.  He quickly undid his bow tie and asked me if I used the same tailor at Socrates.   This billionaire is okay in my book, Modern Philosophers.

“I’m in town to make a donation to Cancer Care of Maine because I believe in the amazing work they are doing to battle cancer,” Wayne explained once we were done making small talk about fashion.  “I was happy to talk about Cancer Care’s work, The Wayne Foundation, or anything related to cancer research.  Instead, I was besieged with questions about my thoughts on Ben Affleck being cast as Batman.”

He finished his Snapple and asked if it was okay to take another out of the cooler.  The man is all about class.  “I told the reporters that I would be happy to talk to Ben about cancer research, have my photo taken with him, and to thank him for his generosity if he was in attendance to make a donation to the cause as well.  Unfortunately, he was not present.”

BenFor those of you who have been living in a Batcave for the past month, Ben Affleck has been cast to play Batman/Bruce Wayne in the upcoming Batman & Superman movie.  Apparently, his casting was a major deal in the movie nerd community.

“People seem to think I care about who Hollywood casts to play me in a fictionalized story of my life, but I really have much more important things on my mind,” Wayne explained to this Modern Philosopher as he popped open his second Snapple.  “All I care is that a certain percentage of the movie’s gross is donated to a list of pre-approved charities on the Wayne Foundation list.”

Curiosity got the better of me.  I am a Deep Thinker and a move nerd after all.  I had to know how much of what appears up on the big screen in the Batman flicks is real.

To that query, my guest replied with a hearty belly laugh.  “Look at me, Austin,” he said as he stood up and did a complete 360.  “Do I look like I spend my nights fighting crime in the fictional city of Gotham?  I’ve got a bum knee from a skiing accident, I dislocated my right shoulder when I fell off a horse, and I’ve got horrible allergies.  Not exactly Superhero material, is it?”

Batman SadThen how did the Bruce Wayne link to Batman come to be?  Wayne shrugged.  “Maybe in my early twenties, I spent some time trying to clean up crime in New York on what could be considered a vigilante basis,” he offered with another wink.  “I then might have made a sizable donation to a friend in the comic book business to create an iconic character to make criminals think twice before messing with my beloved city.  This is all highly hypothetical, of course, but you can feel free to print it.”

In the end, I asked Bruce Wayne if he had any opinion about Ben Affleck playing him in the upcoming film.

“Maybe he’s a little too handsome to be a believable Bruce Wayne,” he finally answered begrudgingly and with a smile.  “Personally, I think Michael Keaton was the closest to who I really am.  I just wish Ben well, and hope he will consider working with The Wayne Foundation.  Truth be told, I’m a big Kevin Smith fan, so I’d love to get the chance to meet the man who played Holden McNeil.  Chasing Amy is one of my all time favorite flicks.”

So I spent my Sunday morning talking movies with a billionaire.  How are you spending your Sunday, Modern Philosophers?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Bruce Wayne Begrudgingly Discusses Ben Affleck As Batman

  1. ksbeth says:

    cool way to pass the day, i’m spending mine reading your blogs )

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