Flying Monkeys To Offer Cheap Daily Airfares In Maine

Traveling around Maine just got cheaper and less stressful, Modern Philosophers!

The Flying Monkeys have been released, and they are offering seriously discounted fares to transport you anywhere across the state.  The main focus of the flights will be between Bangor and Portland, which the former minions of The Wicked West of the West claim they can cover in 33 minutes (depending on your weight).

Margaret Hamilton, spokesperson for Flying Monkey Airlines, told this Modern Philosopher, “The Monkeys have felt bored and useless  since relocating to Maine from Oz.  They have wanted to find a way to not only help them to feel less lethargic, but to also allow them to repay Mainers for their kindness and acceptance.”

My sources tell me that the idea for the Flying Monkeys’ transport service was cooked up over banana daiquiris at several of Maine’s infamous Monkey Bars.

Those Monkey Bars, closed over the Summer by Governor Paul LePage because of several violent brawls and underage monkey drinking, secretly remained open in a speakeasy-type manner.

“The Flying Monkeys may or may not have congregated at those establishments against the Governor’s order,” Hamilton continued.  “If they did meet there, they very well could have come up with an idea to improve their public image while also providing a much needed service.”

According to Hamilton, fares originally ranged anywhere from 2lbs of bananas to a banana tree, but she eventually managed to convince her bosses to accept American currency for a ride on the Flying Monkeys Express.

“The average round trip between Bangor and Portland is $25,” she told me excitedly.  “How can you beat that with the price of gas these days?  Service is reliable and safe.  Helmets and safety straps are available due to FAA regulations, but not at all necessary.”

What about the rumor that Flying Monkeys can get a bit ornery?  “I can assure you that there will be no monkey business whatsoever during the course of the flights,” Hamilton gave me her word.  “And if you really want to make your pilot happy, bring him a couple of bananas as a tip.”

For more information, schedules or reservations, you can either call 207-BANANAS, or email Flying Monkeys Airlines at DingDongTheWitchIsDead@gmail.com.

I am told that only humans work the phones, but your emails might very well be answered by a Flying Monkey.  Good luck and safe travels!