Flying Monkeys To Offer Cheap Daily Airfares In Maine

FM AirlineTraveling around Maine just got cheaper and less stressful, Modern Philosophers!

The Flying Monkeys have been released, and they are offering seriously discounted fares to transport you anywhere across the state.  The main focus of the flights will be between Bangor and Portland, which the former minions of The Wicked West of the West claim they can cover in 33 minutes (depending on your weight).

Margaret Hamilton, spokesperson for Flying Monkey Airlines, told this Modern Philosopher, “The Monkeys have felt bored and useless  since relocating to Maine from Oz.  They have wanted to find a way to not only help them to feel less lethargic, but to also allow them to repay Mainers for their kindness and acceptance.”

monkeys moonMy sources tell me that the idea for the Flying Monkeys’ transport service was cooked up over banana daiquiris at several of Maine’s infamous Monkey Bars.

Those Monkey Bars, closed over the Summer by Governor Paul LePage because of several violent brawls and underage monkey drinking, secretly remained open in a speakeasy-type manner.

“The Flying Monkeys may or may not have congregated at those establishments against the Governor’s order,” Hamilton continued.  “If they did meet there, they very well could have come up with an idea to improve their public image while also providing a much needed service.”

The_Flying_MonkeysAccording to Hamilton, fares originally ranged anywhere from 2lbs of bananas to a banana tree, but she eventually managed to convince her bosses to accept American currency for a ride on the Flying Monkeys Express.

“The average round trip between Bangor and Portland is $25,” she told me excitedly.  “How can you beat that with the price of gas these days?  Service is reliable and safe.  Helmets and safety straps are available due to FAA regulations, but not at all necessary.”

What about the rumor that Flying Monkeys can get a bit ornery?  “I can assure you that there will be no monkey business whatsoever during the course of the flights,” Hamilton gave me her word.  “And if you really want to make your pilot happy, bring him a couple of bananas as a tip.”

For more information, schedules or reservations, you can either call 207-BANANAS, or email Flying Monkeys Airlines at

I am told that only humans work the phones, but your emails might very well be answered by a Flying Monkey.  Good luck and safe travels!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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18 Responses to Flying Monkeys To Offer Cheap Daily Airfares In Maine

  1. Love your style of writing!

  2. All I could do was laugh… By the way, thanks for checking my blog out- and if I do win that trip to Camp Crystal Lake maybe the flying monkeys could transport me? 🙂

  3. ksbeth says:

    i am afraid of them so i would probably opt for a fly by night cheapo airline and cross my fingers. good to hear margie is still around and using her powers for good )

    • Austin says:

      She is an excellent spokesperson. The weird thing? I kept offering her water, because she clearly had a tickle in her throat, but she looked at me like I was crazy…

  4. mudlips says:

    I read that headline and got excited. I live in Portland, ya know, THE Portland on the left coast. Don’t suppose a banana tree would get me from here to there, would it?

  5. hadassaab says:

    Hey you have got a good information & quite interesting. monkey are the 1st human beings……….?☺ thanks for sharing Austin

  6. Deirdre Page says:

    Yes, this is such an exciting development! I live on Peaks Island, and the monkeys lower their feet pretty much right over my house on their approach to the jetport. I rent rooms in my house (Winkie-doo Lodge) to those who have a day or two off and want to relax. Turns out they really enjoy the ferry, they seem endlessly fascinated with the water. A little insider information–you can be upgraded to classy if you wear a golden cap!

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