The Four Snowmen Of The Apocalypse Do Their First Drive-Bys In Maine

Scary SnowmenThe Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse were spotted doing their first drive-bys of the year in Bangor and Brewer today.

Modern Philosophers not from Maine probably do not understand the significance of this news.  When the Snowmen cruise the area in their distinctive refrigerated ice truck this early in the year…it’s not even officially Autumn yet…it is a harbinger of a bad Winter to come.

Residents of the area were seen frozen in their tracks after the Snowmen had passed.  freezingSome were literally frozen.  “We call it ‘Snow Apocalyptia’ and it’s a condition that is unique to Maine,” Dr. Jack Shepherd explained to this Modern Philosopher.  “The mere sight of The Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse will cause a person’s body temperature to drop drastically and they will turn to ice.  Luckily, Maine EMT crews know how to quickly remedy the situation, and the Freeze Unit at EMMC is the best in its field.”

Who exactly are The Four Snowmen and what does their presence mean, aside from another miserable Winter for the poor people of Maine?

snow miser“The Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse are the most evil of Snow Miser’s minions,” meteorologist Sandy Mountain told me.  “Snow Miser sends them to do recon.  Their job is to remind people that Winter is coming and scout locations for where Snowmen will take up positions to spy on us for Snow Miser.  Not all Snowmen are jolly, happy souls with pipes and a top hat, you know.”

Of course, their very distinct vehicle and the slow, creepy way they cruise through a neighborhood are meant to add to the tension.  Residents often run in fear of the truck as The Four Snowmen have been known to hurl ice balls at passersby.

Ice TruckOne that truck is spotted, it means that Summer is done, Fall is going to move at a very fast pace, and Winter is limbering up and getting ready to take center stage.

Summer still has a couple of days left according to the calendar, but it is essentially All Winter’s Eve now that the Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse have been spotted in the area.

As much as I hate to let go of Summer, Modern Philosophers, now that the ice truck has been down my street…the thing idled in front of The House On The Hill for a good ten minutes…I have pulled my fur lined togas out of storage, put down the storm windows, and tossed a second comforter on the bed.

I will never give up my fight against Snow Miser, but I know not to fight what the appearance of his Snow Minions represents.

Time to bundle up, Modern Philosophers, and burn your shorts for warmth!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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11 Responses to The Four Snowmen Of The Apocalypse Do Their First Drive-Bys In Maine

  1. Some folfs down here ARE getting their snowplows looked after…! 🙂

  2. UMMMM…”FOLKS” (OOPS!)

  3. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    WINTER’S APPROACHING…YA READY FOR THE FREEZE???????

  4. ideflex says:

    I think their back-up crew delivered a load of christmas decorations to our dollar store today…

  5. ksbeth says:

    nooooooooooooooooo

  6. Taylor Eaton says:

    I saw that first picture, assumed this would be a Doctor Who post, then was disappointed and cried a bit. BUT then I read the rest of the piece and was cheered up – as usual – by your lovely post.

    • Austin says:

      Those Dr Who snowmen do look a lot like The Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse. It’s probably where they got the idea for them on the show. Maine is a trend setter. Glad you enjoyed the article. 🙂

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