Pope Francis Eliminates Sunday Mass Requirement

PopePope Francis and I were chatting on the phone the other day, as we often do because we’ve become pals over the past few months, and the Pontiff asked me why I’ve given up on religion even though I was raised Catholic.

I answered honestly, Modern Philosophers, and told the Vatican King that a lot of it had to do with my Evil Stepmother, who pretty much force fed me Catholicism in my youth.

Then I added that I was really not a fan of having to go to church every Sunday.  I’d much rather sleep in, watch football, and just relax.  If I go out on a Saturday night, it’s a drag knowing I’ve got to get up early the next day, dress up nice, and repeat the same lines and prayers I’ve recited every Sunday since I was a little kid.

St EThat’s when Pope Francis totally surprised me.  “Then it’s settled,” he said in that friendly voice of his.  “It’s no longer a sin to skip Sunday Mass.”

Wait?  What?  This Modern Philosopher who’d spent every Sunday of his young life in St. Ephrem’s Church (pictured at the left) was totally confused.

“I think you’re on to something, Austin,” Pope Francis replied.  “People rebel against being told they have to do something.  No one wants to be forced into anything.  Making Sunday Mass obligatory is a sin.  The churches are there, and if people want to attend a service, they are free to do so.  God did give us all Free Will after all.”

lapsedAnd that’s how this Modern Philosopher and Lapsed Catholic helped the Catholic Church to take a huge step into the 21st Century.

You’re welcome, all you Catholics out there who have either been going to Church because you felt like you had to, or have been feeling guilty because you haven’t been going.

I made sure that Pope Francis informed the Nuns of this new rule, and made him promise me that he would order them not to try to punish me for my part in his decision.

Gotta say, really loving the job my buddy in the Vatican has been doing.  What do you guys think about this new policy?


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Pope Francis Eliminates Sunday Mass Requirement

  1. Mikels Skele says:

    I’m afraid you and Frank have seriously underestimated the nuns. You’ll both be clapping erasers before this is over.

  2. Catherine Johnson says:

    You jest but this is a really important issue. My mum was ever so strict and now two of her kids don’t attend at all and my kids hate going. I wish I’d stayed at home a bit more when H was a screaming baby in the ‘quiet room’. There was this kid there today and his mom clamped her hand over his mouth to shut him up. Eventually she left but I hope she doesn’t return until he isn’t like that anymore. It’s no good for anyone. And I was so tempted to clamp my hand on her mouth 😉

  3. cat9984 says:

    So is this official, or does it only apply to the Pontiff’s friends?

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