Hence, my getting out the big battery and preparing for a jump start. Anyone else need a few volts of Deep Thoughts to get the old gray matter firing on all cylinders this beautiful Fall morning?
I think you know how this works. When I need to get the cranial juices flowing, I find some odd topic over which to obsess, and then I bombard my brain with questions about it. Are you ready to play along at home? You might want to put on safety goggles and a protective vest of some sort over your toga before you begin…
What’s the deal with Jack o’Lanterns? Did people have an issue with Irish Pumpkin Men back in the day? Why would you want to put a severed pumpkin head on your porch? More over, what would possess you to carve out the insides and then shove a candle in the there? What the hell did they do with the rest of the body?
Why do they always look so terrifying? Do they just accurately capture the last look on the poor Pumpkin Person’s face before the head was detached from the body? Were Pumpkin People once such a threat to mankind that beheadings were held on a regular basis? Were the Pumpkin People that generation’s version of Witches, and singled out for such treatment because the rest of society just didn’t understand them?
Why do Jack o’Lanterns have such horrible teeth? Is this because of their Irish heritage? Did Pumpkin People die out as a race because of poor dental hygiene? Or are they just gone now because all the decapitations made it impossible to reproduce?
What is the proper way to dispose of the pumpkin head innards? Does one keep them as a trophy like a typical serial killer? When I’m eating pumpkin pie, am I helping to get rid of what’s left of the Pumpkin Person’s corpse? Has my taste for pumpkin pie made me an unwitting accessory to murder all these years? Does anyone know a good defense lawyer?
This little exercise has given me so much to think about. I’m not sure if I’ve jump started my brain, but I’ve definitely got my anxiety glands pumping at full force.
What have I done? I feel like I’ve opened a real can of pumpkin pie filling here.
Jack o’Lanterns are just cute, harmless Autumn decorations, right? They’re supposed to make us smile and think of Halloween, yes? There’s nothing sinister about a glowing replica of a head with an evil smile and eyes that always seem to be watching me, correct?
Maybe I should just go back to bed and try this over again on Sunday…