Peter Pan, Having Left Neverland, Finally Celebrates His 21st Birthday

PeterPeter Pan, the boy who would never grow up, is finally old enough to share a drink on the front porch of The House on the Hill with this Modern Philosopher.

Without any fanfare a few years ago, Peter decided to leave Neverland, move to Maine, and finally age like everyone else.

“It was hard at first,” Peter admitted as we toasted his big day with a couple of Pumpkinhead beers.  “Maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.  The Lost Boys were my family, Tinkerbell was my best friend, and Neverland was my home.”

So what was behind the decision to leave?

Neverland“I was bored,” he said with a shrug before taking a huge sip of beer.  “Living on that island could be a drag, and I was so done with fighting off Captain Hook and his pirates.  There are oceans everywhere, and those goons have to anchor by my island and spend all their time trying to kill me?  Made me realize that I wasn’t doing much more with my life.  So I decided it was time for this rat to get out of that maze.”

Peter didn’t want the jump from Neverland to the real world to be too jarring, so he passed up a chance to move to London, and chose to put down roots in Maine instead.

“Maine is such a magical place, so I knew it would give me a feeling something like life back on the island,” he explained as he grabbed a second beer out of the cooler.  “I love it here.  Whenever I need a little adventure, I hike up to the North Woods and battle Zombies or hang out with Aliens.  When I miss being able to fly, I hitch a ride on a Gargoyle or with the Flying Monkeys.”

Pan CakeHe is currently a Senior at U Maine and plans to be a teacher when he graduates.  “I miss the Lost Boys every day, and it’s made me realize how much I love being a leader, teaching, and setting an example.  Every year my classroom will fill up with a new group of Lost Boys and Girls who’ll look to me to show them the way.”

So how did the former perpetual teen celebrate his 21st birthday?

“Friends took me to Boston,” he said as a big smile crossed his handsome face.  “There was definitely some drinking.  It’s a party town for sure.  They did something really cool…they rented out a movie theater for a private showing of ‘The Lost Boys’ and even arranged for Corey Feldman to be there.  How awesome is that?”

Of course, not everything went smoothly.  Peter sighed heavily when I asked him to recount the “incident” for my readers.

Capt Hook“Captain Hook showed up at the bar where my boys had arranged for my birthday cake,” he shared with a hint of anger in his voice.  “The dude followed me to Boston, had to have been watching me for awhile to figure out what day was my birthday, and he wanted to have it out right there in the bar.  Can you say Creeper?”

“Luckily, the bar was full of cops, so the second he came at me with that hook, there were enough guns pointed at him to send him to Neverevergonnabreatheagainland, if you catch my drift.  My boys took him out in the alley, roughed him up a bit, and stole his hat, but then I sent him on his way after reminding him I wasn’t some scrawny teen any more.  I think that will be the last I see of him.”

Peter 21Are you curious, Modern Philosophers, as to how Peter Pan looks at age 21?  Here’s a photo of the handsome lad, taken after he finished his second beer.

Does he have any regrets about leaving Neverland and restarting the aging process?

“Sometimes I miss being able to fly, and I wish I could talk to Tink, but I’m glad I did it.  Everyone needs to grow up some time.”

Happy Birthday, Peter Pan!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Peter Pan, Having Left Neverland, Finally Celebrates His 21st Birthday

  1. Just like a man to leave a faithful women for his own selfishness. Tink has stayed by Peter Pan’s side forever and the thanks she gets is him leaving. Typical !! That ain’t Neverland, sounds more like Oz. Sorry to blast ya Austin!

    • Austin says:

      Tinkerbell could’ve joined him, but she chose to stay behind and keep an eye on the Lost Boys. I think vanity played a part…she knew she was too tiny to fit in here in the real world…

  2. Jet Eliot says:

    Thanks for making me laugh so hard.

  3. Renchick says:

    L.O.L.
    Private showing of The Lost Boys – hehehe
    Can you say creeper? – hahahahaha!!
    Nevergonnabreatheagainland – LMAO

  4. ksbeth says:

    ah, this lad looks familiar…

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