UFOs Joyride Across U.S. During Government Shutdown

UFO NYCWhile the government shutdown might be having an adverse effect on the economy and the American people, Maine’s Aliens are making the most of the situation by doing a little joyriding and sightseeing.

UFOs were spotted over numerous cities across the U.S. today as Aliens, knowing that the government measures that kept them in hiding would not be in service, took full advantage of their freedom.

“The U.S. Government spends a ridiculous amount of money in an attempt to track our spacecrafts and keep us from moving freely around your country,” M’kjlui-Ooo-qot, a native of the Zorthian Galaxy, told this Modern Philosopher.

aliens city“All those secret radar sites, monitoring stations, and fighter jets on standby to be scrambled to chase us,” he continued.  “Plus, there’s an entire department of your FBI assigned to investigating us.  What’s the big deal?  We’ve been living peacefully in Maine for over three decades.  Loosen up and let us roam free in the other 49 states!”

None of those assets were available today because of the government shutdown, so Aliens were spotted roaming the streets of NY, sunbathing on the beaches in LA,  gawking at the Grand Canyon, and hitting the craps tables in Vegas.

All with zero problems reported aside from a few overzealous humans who wouldn’t leave the Aliens alone to go about their business.  Police officers did their best to keep our Alien friends safe and clear of too much harassment.

closedWhy does our government spend so much money trying to keep our friends from other planets from feeling welcome here?  I made several calls to get an answer to this question, but no one who could answer me was working today.  How convenient.

Maybe it’s time for the rest of the country to follow Maine’s lead and open its skies, streets, and hearts to our Alien friends.  It would certainly save the government a ton of money.

So where did my friends spend the day?  “We flew down the east coast, and spent some time hovering over Washington, D.C.  It was so eerie how quiet that city was,” explained Xi-Xi-Ordu, a close friend and leader of Maine’s Nrujian population.  “The youngsters wanted to see Disney, so we stopped at the one in Florida.  That was a huge hit.”

Devils Tower“After a day with Mickey Mouse and friends, the adults needed to unwind, so we went to our favorite place on Earth.  Can you guess where that is?”

Xi couldn’t explain why so many Aliens are drawn to Devil’s Tower.  He just says there’s something about the place that pulls them in like a giant magnet.

It sounds like Maine’s Alien population really had some fun today, and that the rest of the country finally got a chance to experience what we enjoy on a daily basis.  No one was overly freaked out by the Aliens’ presence.  There were no incidents of violence.  No anal probings (at least none conducted by Aliens!).  And the White House was not blown to smithereens by technology that humans will never understand.

ETIn fact, this Modern Philosopher has been swamped with reports of people crying when the Aliens left and tales of children giddy after being taken on their first UFO ride.  All in all, it was an excellent day for human and Alien relations.

Did we find a silver lining in this government shutdown, Modern Philosophers?


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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11 Responses to UFOs Joyride Across U.S. During Government Shutdown

  1. cat9984 says:

    If I were the government, I would be more interested in where the aliens were getting the money for all those activities – perhaps a new source of tax revenue.

  2. Renchick says:

    Perhaps it is a good sign that the federal government no longer considers keeping the presence of aliens a secret an essential function – perhaps they are softening toward the aliens and they will soon mingle with the humans like they do in Defiance (love that show!).

  3. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

  4. HEY! The Traffic Controllers are still on duty! Just in case someone or something wants to come in for a landing (“TAKE OUR CONGRESS AND PRESIDENT—PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!”) 🙂

  5. ksbeth says:

    good you are seeing the positives in this austin, and i believe i already have some in my own neighborhood )

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