Hauntings Skyrocket In Maine As Ghosts Gather For Halloween

GhostYou know that noise, Modern Philosophers, that wakes you from sleep in the middle of the night?  The one that sounds like nails scratching on the window?  Or like a low, deep moaning?  Perhaps like footsteps all the way on the other side of the house?

If you live in Maine, it’s most likely a Ghost.  If you live anywhere else, it’s probably  someone trying to break in to either kill you or rob you blind.

It’s October, which means that Fall is in full swing and Halloween is just around the corner.  This is also the time of year that Ghosts flock to Maine to celebrate the season.

According to The Maine Ghosts Registry, 1327 new ghosts have arrived in Maine and officially made their presence known with the organization since October 1.  That number is expected to increased exponentially by the end of the month.

cloth ghosts“Maine is a prime Halloween vacation spot for Ghosts,” Cornelius Spector, President of The Maine Ghosts Registry, told this Modern Philosopher.  “New England is the ultimate American holiday destination, and while Massachusetts has long ranked #1, Maine has been closing the gap and should take over the top position in the next three years.”

What makes Maine so popular?  “You live here, Austin.  I’ve read your blog.  Do you really need to ask?” Spector answered with an eerie chuckle.  “Maine is by far the most accepting of Otherworldly Beings.  Ghosts love to hang out with Witches and Maine’s got cauldrons full of them.  Zombies wander aimlessly and Ghosts love to mess with them.  Plus, we’ve got Stephen King, spooky old mansions, numerous cemeteries, and abandoned lighthouses.  It’s a Ghost paradise.”

According to FrightBook, which is the social network of choice for Ghosts, at least a quarter of a million Ghosts plan to haunt Maine for Halloween.  They are planning a month’s worth of exciting events which include haunting houses, haunting cemeteries, freaking out Zombies, possessing Mainers and making them do funny things, possessing Mainers and making them do scary things, outlet shopping in Southern Maine, and eating lobster.

3 ghostsOf course, these spirits in the night need a place to crash while they are in town, and that’s why the number of hauntings in the state have skyrocketed since October 1.  “Ghosts are actually excellent guests,” Spector reassured me.  “The thing is, they don’t know your house well, so they’re bound to crash into things in the dark.  Have you ever stubbed your toe?  You’d moan and groan deeply in pain, too.”

So Mainers have nothing to worry about from this visitors from the great beyond?

Spector hemmed and hawed somewhat, which made me shift uncomfortably in my seat, thereby bunching up my toga a bit.   Not pleasant.  “I can’t say with 100% certainty that there’s absolutely nothing to fear from Ghosts.  The dead really have nothing to lose, and they do so enjoy messing with the living.  I’d say 95% of the time, though, if you encounter a Ghost, you’re going to be okay.”

I decided to run these numbers by a more reliable source, so I returned to The House on the Hill and went up to the attic.  There, I was greeted warmly by The Woodburys, the Ghost Family that lives there, and the original owners of the home.

ghostbustersI was assured by the entire clan that it was only on the rarest of occasions that a Ghost posed any sort of a threat to the living.  Apparently, writers have taken some liberties with Ghost stories over the years.  Oops!  Sorry about that, Ghost friends.

So there’s no need to call The Ghostbusters, Mainers.  If you come across a Ghost, welcome it and wish it a Happy Halloween.  Perhaps leave on a few nightlights in your home so any visiting Ghosts can get around your place quietly.

The Ghosts are here for the month, so why not allow yourself to be possessed by the Halloween Spirit?  Boo!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Hauntings Skyrocket In Maine As Ghosts Gather For Halloween

  1. cat9984 says:

    Perhaps there are so many other life forms in Maine because there are so few human ones?

  2. The Cutter says:

    I visited Maine once but did not encounter any ghosts. I was there in August though, so maybe I was just too early.

  3. Renchick says:

    hehehe…Frightbook 🙂

  4. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    We are one week from Halloween, Modern Philosophers, and the All Hallows Society has asked me to share this post again. They are legally obligated to inform people that hauntings are at all all time high in Maine during the Halloween Season…

  5. Scratch Maine off my bucket list…wait. Maybe I should just make sure I don’t travel there in October. XD XD

  6. LucyJartz says:

    At first I was surprised Let’s CUT the Crap doesn’t want to join in the holiday celebrations, and I almost bought a ticket when I read this article, but then I got an image of you in a toga thinking about bananas – and it kind of scared me too.

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