Three Chairs On A Porch: Two Strange Bedfellows & A Sleepwalker

three chairsI know I’m ignoring Dr. Jekyll’s advice, Modern Philosophers, but I’ve found another way to deal with my dear friend Insomnia.  I’ve invited her to be a guest on Maine’s favorite talk show set on a front porch.

It turns out that Insomnia visits me at all hours because her heart is broken.  She finally let down her guard tonight, and told me about the forbidden love that haunts her and keeps her heart from ever healing.

You know how this show works.  My two guests have a vague connection, and they are only allowed to ask each other one question.  I just sit here and listen, which is perfect for me since I am exhausted right now.

Insomnia took the seat to my right, and tensed up as my other guest stepped out onto the porch.  The man in the chair to my left is Rip Van Winkle.

For the longest time, they stared at each other in silence.  The Hopeless Romantic in me could tell by their eyes and body language, that these were two people who had once been head over heels in love.

RipInsomnia wanted to ask the first question, and she finally cleared her throat, wiped away a tear, and spoke.  “Do you miss me, Rip?”

I don’t know who cried first, Rip or me, but he was definitely crying harder (much to my relief).  I chugged my Snapple and used my toga to wipe my eyes.

“How could you possibly not know the answer to that, Insomnia?” Rip replied in a low, shaky voice.  “I love you more than there are dreams in the night.  I miss you so much that every breath I take is a sharp, painful reminder of how I must exist in a world without you.”

It was Insomnia’s turn to cry now.  Her beautiful face was hidden inside her massive hood, but the sounds of her sorrow could not escape our notice.

I broke protocol and reached across to comfort her.  Insomnia wept into my shoulder as her entire body shook with the convulsions of the broken hearted.

“I regret the day I sent you away,” he finally continued as he could no longer sit in silence and listen to her agony.  “I don’t know what I was thinking.  I was cocky, arrogant, insane.  Mind you, I didn’t know you would walk away forever, or that my reaction to your absence would be to sleep the sleep of the dead.”

After another long silence broken only by Insomnia’s bouts of weeping, it was time for Rip’s question.

Insomnia“Insomnia, my love, can you and will you ever forgive me?”

Neither of us knew what to expect from her.  We both knew she was unpredictable, impulsive, wild at heart, and an unstoppable force of nature.

I hoped for the best, but braced myself for the worst possible reaction.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she lifted her head off of my shoulder.

Slowly, she pulled down her hood, and took a deep breath.  Rip looked at her as if he were gazing upon the love of his life and the most gorgeous creation his eyes could comprehend.

He was utterly and totally lost in her.  This could be very ugly for him.

Insomnia wiped away her tears.  “Ask me again,” she whispered.

He looked at me for the go ahead, and I nodded.  Rules be damned.  This was love.  There are no rules.

“Insomnia, my love, can you and will you ever forgive me?”

With a twinkle in her eye that I don’t ever recall seeing, she replied, “Let me sleep on it.”

Rip laughed.  I laughed.  Insomnia jumped over me, hopped into Rip’s lap, and they kissed.  Long, sweet, and hungry.

A first for “Three Chairs on a Porch”.  Don’t expecting the guests to make out every night, Modern Philosophers.  Thanks for joining us, and I promise to have you back real soon.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Three Chairs On A Porch: Two Strange Bedfellows & A Sleepwalker

  1. Catherine Johnson says:

    Interesting! So if you make out with Insomnia will he then have trouble sleeping?

  2. Renchick says:

    Kind of racy for a family friendly blog, Austin! 😉

  3. floridaborne says:

    Sorry to have to say, Insomnia had help tonight. A dog 2 inches from my ear that said one, loud, “WOOF!!!!” It’s 1:45 and I’m up. A homemade oatmeal raisin cookie sounds really good right about now.

  4. CJ says:

    I love this. Where do amazingly original ideas like this come from? It’s wild and wonderful. Pair Insomnia with RVW, make it a romance, add the twist of a talk show, then passionately reunite them. I was both hoping and fearing their reunion. He’ll sleep never more, trading rest for love. But don’t we all.

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad you liked it. This is part of a series for the “Three Chairs” talk show. This one might be my favorite, though, since I am a romantic at heart… 🙂

  5. cindyalo87 says:

    Very creative and romantic 🙂

  6. I would absolutely love it if Insomnia and Rip would start spending time together again.
    Then insomnia wouldn’t have time to show up at my house every night, wanting to talk and talk and talk into the wee hours of the morning—about problems with her love life.
    Don’t want to hurt insomnia’s feelings or anything, but I have seen 3 a.m. one too many times.
    I’m horribly tired. So please, please….kiss her again Rip!
    And I promise I will gladly sleep a few years in your place….

    • Austin says:

      You see, Rip wished her away so he could just get some sleep, and look at the price he paid! He slept for ever and lost the love of his life…

  7. hansales1088 says:

    Umm hell yes loving this~

    • Austin says:

      Thank you. The Three Porch posts have become a regular feature over the last two weeks, so be sure to read them all. Curious to know which one is your fave. 🙂

  8. I’m going to avoid making out with Insomnia. She visits me enough already, so I don’t want to give her any good reason to do so any more. I keep hoping I’m not her type.

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