Welcome, Modern Philosophers, not to Munchkinland, but to The House on the Hill and another edition of “Three Chairs on a Porch”. I’m your host, The Modern Philosopher, your Wizard of Odd.
I wanted to keep with the Witch theme in honor of tonight’s American Horror Story premiere party, but we seem to have taken a little tangent onto the Yellow Brick Road.
The way this show works is I invite two guests with a vague connection to visit me on the front porch of my home. They get to ask each other only one question, so they really need to make it count. I just sit there and listen in on the conversation.
My first guest is one of my closest friends, a winner of the Golden Cauldron as Champion of the Maine Spell Bee, a leader of the Bangor Coven, and one of the most powerful Witches in Maine…Ti-Diana.
My second guest, visiting all the way from the Wonderful Land of Oz, and someone who would stay in Maine forever if he only had a brain…The Scarecrow.
Ti-Diana sat to my right, while The Scarecrow made himself comfortable on my left. There’s no sign of a twister, Modern Philosophers, so we’re off to ask our questions. Those wonderful questions of ours…
The beautiful Hippie Witch went first. “Scarecrow, do you ever miss Dorothy?”
“Of course I miss her,” The Scarecrow replied as he threw up his arms wildly. “Before she wandered into my life, I was pretty bored. All I did was hang around all day, doing not much of anything and hoping the Flying Monkeys would leave me alone.”
He looked up anxiously at the Flying Monkeys circling in the sky above, but I assured him that they were friendly now that they’re free of The Wicked Witch of the West.
“After she left, I took up walking, which led to jogging, which led to long distance running. I won the Emerald City Marathon two years in a row! I have Dorothy to thank for that. She gave me the kick in the straw I so desperately needed. ”
“I think about her every day,” he concluded sadly.
Ti-Diana got out of her chair and went over to give The Scarecrow a huge hug. It was a very touching moment, and the kind of thing that only asking the perfect question could have set in motion.
Once Ti-Diana was back in her seat, The Scarecrow pulled himself together, and I helped myself to a second Snapple. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes until I realized that my guest without the brain didn’t understand it was his turn to ask a question.
The Scarecrow apologized and then turned his attention to the attractive, barefoot, tie-dye wearing woman on the other side of me. “Are you sure you’re a Witch? You just don’t look anything like one,” he finally blurted out in a slightly nervous and embarrassed tone.
“Oh, Scarecrow, that is the sweetest thing I’ve heard today,” she replied. “I’m going to miss you when this show is done. I really like Austin, so I’m going to miss him most of all, but I’ll miss you for sure.”
She finally lowered herself to the floor and with a flick of her wrist beckoned her chair to slide across the floor to her. She sat down on it Indian style.
“I am most certainly a Witch, my straw stuffed friend. In Maine, Witches don’t play into the stereotypes that people have for us. We are free to be who we want to be, and black just isn’t my color. Tie-dye is my thing, and my Magic is just as colorful.”
She noticed that he was looking at the dirty bottoms of her bare feet. “No ruby slippers here, Scarecrow. I’m all about feeling the earth beneath my feet.”
We finished up with a rousing rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and then we talked the Scarecrow into joining us down at Three Toads & A Wicked Lady for our party.
Thanks for joining us on the porch. I promise to have you over again real soon!