Dawn Of The Beautifully Colored Dead

Zombie yellowA surprising twist to the Fall Foliage Season in Maine, Modern Philosophers…

The Zombies seem to be changing color as well to better fit in with their surroundings.

“We think the Zombies are finally evolving, having been a part of Maine’s environment for so long,” Dr. Rob Kerchlund, the head of the University of Maine’s Zombie Studies Department told this Modern Philosopher.  “We would love to get out there with the herds for a closer look, but as you know, the government shutdown is making that very difficult.”

As I reported on this blog last week, Maine’s Zombie Census Bureau Agents and Zombie Hunters are government employees affected by the shutdown.  While a skeleton crew has been allowed to return to work, they have their hands full with the Zombie population, and really don’t have time to protect scientists out in the field.

Zombie red“The changes were very subtle at first,” Dr. Kerchlund continued.  “We just saw a change in the color of the Zombies’ hair.  Look at this photo for example.  That Zombie had been a brunette just a week earlier.  Now her hair is a color more like the Autumn leaves around her.  It’s quite fascinating really.”

What does this evolution of Zombie coloring mean for us?  Is it a sign that The Zombie Apocalypse is closer to being a reality?

“There is no true timetable for The Zombie Apocalypse,” he informed me as he continued to pore over photos of Zombies that were various beautiful colors.  “Without being able to get out in the field to study the Zombies in their natural environment, I can’t really tell you what is going on.  It could just be a Fall Foliage thing.  Maybe in the Winter, when the snows come, the Zombies will all turn white to blend it with it.”

Camouflaged Zombies?  If that doesn’t sound like the next step of The Zombie Apocalypse, I don’t know what does.  If Zombies could blend in with their surroundings, it would make it much more to keep them under control.

foliage maine“This photo is very disturbing,” Dr. Kerchlund warned before showing it to me (it is the photo posted to the left).  “While it looks like a gorgeous depiction of Maine’s Fall Foliage, there are actually five Zombies in the photo.  Can you spot them?”

Alarmingly, I could not.  Once the good doctor pointed them out to me, I realized how serious this Zombie color change was.  It sent shivers rippling through my toga.

What are we going to do about this?  Dr Kerchlund shrugged.  “Right now, my hands are tied.  I need to get my team out into woods to study this this.  We can’t go without protection, though.  I’m meeting with Stephen King today to see if he’ll put up the funds to hire back a team of Zombie Hunters.  Keep your fingers crossed.”

It took me quite a long time to type this article, Modern Philosophers, because my fingers are still crossed.  I will let you know if Dr. Kerchlund is able to raise the money he needs.  In the meantime, please contact your local representatives and demand that they end the government shutdown.

The lives and brains of Mainers very well might depend on it!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Dawn Of The Beautifully Colored Dead

    • Austin says:

      Could you elaborate on that???

      • I’ve been preparing for the zombie apocalypse since high school, but a recent trip to a particularly effective haunted house made me realize how woefully ill-prepared I am, psychologically, for the undead. I think I shoved a kid in makeup. If they’re out there in fall foliage camouflage, I’m a goner. Great post. I’ll keep an eye out.

      • Austin says:

        You’ve got to stay vigilant. Keep reading this blog, and you should be prepared!

  1. genext13 says:

    This one is very clever and made me laugh out loud.

  2. It’s that zombie time year again.
    They live and die for this month!!

  3. Okay, I need to see this.

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