The Modern Philosopher’s Classifieds have their first job listing. When I returned to The House on the Hill after a long day away from writing, I was surprised to find a visitor waiting for me in my driveway.
Luckily, he was kind enough to stay out by the garage this time, and not ride his horse up onto my porch like he did the last time he made an unannounced visit.
The Headless Horseman is quite intimidating, but even more so as dusk quickly turned to nightfall. I did not want to upset him under any circumstances, and I was a bit unsettled by his presence.
We had first met earlier in the year when I wrote an article about how his medical insurance would not allow for him to have his long awaited head transplant operation at Eastern Maine Medical Center. We bonded at that time, and by bonded, I mean he didn’t decapitate me and add me to the pile of corpses in his wake.
The Horseman is a man of little words, so when I convinced him to dismount and join me on the porch, our conversation was short and creepy. He explained that he wanted to use my blog to find a Personal Assistant. His logic being that my readers were clearly accepting of Otherworldly Beings.
I didn’t know my blog had a Classified Section, but who am I to argue with a headless man with a battle axe?
And, yes, Modern Philosophers, the “You will be my eyes and ears” line was his. Again, not my place to quibble with Double H.
As it turns out, The Horseman has been swamped with fan mail and requests for personal appearances since the debut of Fox’s “Sleepy Hollow”. According to him, the show’s popularity has really brought out The Decapitators (apparently, this is what fans of The Headless Horseman call themselves) and he needs someone to help him deal with the unexpected and unwanted attention.
He is hoping to find someone with Personal Assistant experience, who must be willing to travel, preferably by horseback. Computer and social media skills are a must. Multiple languages, especially Chinese and French, would be a big plus. The job pays $1,000 a week to start with raises promised if job performance warrants it.
From what I gathered, the job isn’t much different from being a Personal Assistant to someone with a head. The odd exceptions being that the applicant would have to spend a lot of time purchasing and carving pumpkins, knowledge of 18th Century weaponry is really needed, and a knack for discreetly disposing of a body is key.
If you are interested, you can either contact The Horseman via this blog, email him at TheHeadOnMyShoulders@Horseman.com, or tweet him @IchabodSux.
Please do not apply if you are not serious. This is someone whose time you absolutely DO NOT want to waste. Good luck!