Headless Horseman Seeks Personal Assistant

horseman without headYou will be my eyes and ears.  Serious inquiries only!

The Modern Philosopher’s Classifieds have their first job listing.  When I returned to The House on the Hill after a long day away from writing, I was surprised to find a visitor waiting for me in my driveway.

Luckily, he was kind enough to stay out by the garage this time, and not ride his horse up onto my porch like he did the last time he made an unannounced visit.

The Headless Horseman is quite intimidating, but even more so as dusk quickly turned to nightfall.  I did not want to upset him under any circumstances, and I was a bit unsettled by his presence.

We had first met earlier in the year when I wrote an article about how his medical insurance would not allow for him to have his long awaited head transplant operation at Eastern Maine Medical Center.  We bonded at that time, and by bonded, I mean he didn’t decapitate me and add me to the pile of corpses in his wake.

ClassifiedsThe Horseman is a man of little words, so when I convinced him to dismount and join me on the porch, our conversation was short and creepy.  He explained that he wanted to use my blog to find a Personal Assistant.  His logic being that my readers were clearly accepting of Otherworldly Beings.

I didn’t know my blog had a Classified Section, but who am I to argue with a headless man with a battle axe?

And, yes, Modern Philosophers, the “You will be my eyes and ears” line was his.  Again, not my place to quibble with Double H.

Sleepy HollowAs it turns out, The Horseman has been swamped with fan mail and requests for personal appearances since the debut of Fox’s “Sleepy Hollow”.  According to him, the show’s popularity has really brought out The Decapitators (apparently, this is what fans of The Headless Horseman call themselves) and he needs someone to help him deal with the unexpected and unwanted attention.

He is hoping to find someone with Personal Assistant experience, who must be willing to travel, preferably by horseback.  Computer and social media skills are a must.  Multiple languages, especially Chinese and French, would be a big plus.  The job pays $1,000 a week to start with raises promised if job performance warrants it.

HorsemanFrom what I gathered, the job isn’t much different from being a Personal Assistant to someone with a head.  The odd exceptions being that the applicant would have to spend a lot of time purchasing and carving pumpkins, knowledge of 18th Century weaponry is really needed, and a knack for  discreetly disposing of a body is key.

If you are interested, you can either contact The Horseman via this blog, email him at TheHeadOnMyShoulders@Horseman.com, or tweet him @IchabodSux.

Please do not apply if you are not serious.  This is someone whose time you absolutely DO NOT want to waste.  Good luck!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Headless Horseman Seeks Personal Assistant

  1. I was wondering where you were tonight, I hadn’t read anything from you yet!

  2. Oooh! I love this!!! I especially love the picture!!

  3. susielindau says:

    I love it! @Ichabodsux I bet the new employee will have their hands full.

  4. I am glad you didn’t lose your head. LOl Maybe he will find his. One of the neatest ads I have ever seen. Damn with those credentials besides the pumpkins. You would have to be a french and chinese Samurai 🙂 With pumpkin carving to boot LOL

  5. Drops of Ink says:

    Very entertaining as always. 😉

  6. cat9984 says:

    If one of the perks includes not decapitating me or my family, I’m the one. Went to Williamsburg this summer and was complimented on my knowledge of 18th century weaponry (weird, but true). I am sending the question to you not him since I obviously don’t want to upset him if that is not part of the bargain (I would be willing to take a pay cut).

  7. amb says:

    As I am a Decapitator myself (that show is absolutely ridiculous and yet for some reason I Cannot. Stop. Watching.) I loved this post! 😀

  8. This was a very entertaining read! Only one personal assistant needed? Surely there must be loads of fan mail to respond to. I could help with that as I’m not so great with 18th century weaponry 🙂

  9. Renchick says:

    Hahahahaha! This was great! Can the Double H wait until Jan 1? I will need a job then

  10. Pingback: The Personal Assistant’s Handbook – Insider secrets to landing the best Personal Assistant jobs working for the rich and famous | Freelance Marketing

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