Drunk Dragon Knocks Out Power To Parts Of Maine

DragonThis is going to have to be a quick post, Modern Philosophers, because I don’t know how much longer I’ll have power.  It has been out most of the day, and authorities are saying that this is only a temporary fix.

As you know from reading this blog, Maine’s Dragons reside in the Western Woods, the creepiest, freakiest, darkest, and most troubled part of the state.

At some point today, one of the Dragons crossed paths with a particularly ripe and rancid herd of Zombies.  The Dragon, being famished and a fan of Zombie meat, decided to help himself to the slow moving buffet spread out before him.

zombiesThere was something not right about this batch of Zombies.  “For lack of a better term, we think they had spoiled and fermented,” Linda Blare, a Zombie Census Bureau Agent explained to this Modern Philosopher.  “The effect on the Dragon was something akin to making him sloppy, silly drunk.”

The Dragon, needing some after breakfast exercise, decided to go for a flight.  That was when the tainted Zombie meat really hit him.  He flew way off course, leaving the Western Woods far behind, and soaring into Eastern Maine.

“That was when the paranoia set in,” Professor Lance Arthur, a Dragon Studies Professor at UMaine told me.  “The Dragon believed itself to be under attack, saw the power lines as a threat, and tried to kill them with a healthy dose of Dragon Fire.”

power fireThe Dragon set fire to several miles of power lines in Brewer and Bangor.  The mighty beast then got a little too tipsy to fly and crash landed somewhere in the City Forest near Orono, taking out even more power lines in the process.

Animal Control has assured me that the Dragon only suffered some scrapes and a blow to his dignity, and is now sleeping it off at an undisclosed location.

So, if you don’t hear much from me tonight, Modern Philosophers, it’s only because the blackout has prevented me from keeping you company.  I don’t really mind the lack of lights because it sets a perfect, spooky mood for the Halloween Season.

I’ve got plenty of candles at The House on the Hill, and friends are coming over to tell ghost stories and share some Pumpkin Cauldron Ale.  Should be a dark, scary, exciting night…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Drunk Dragon Knocks Out Power To Parts Of Maine

  1. S.R. Tooms says:

    I quite like the pseudo-news format. Sensing a bit of mockery?
    And if all else fails, do as the ol’ biblical passages instruct: let the dragons of imbibement light your way.

  2. Aussa Lorens says:

    Spoiled zombie meat, ew.

  3. Renchick says:

    Oh my. Tainted zombie meat. Very creative! 😉

  4. Teepee12 says:

    How old does Zombie meat have to be to spoil? That’s seriously rancid. I don’t usually send links, but you might want to consider this piece of real estate: http://teepee12.com/2013/08/28/zombie-apocalypse/

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