Three Chairs On A Porch: Two Lovebirds & A Hopeless Romantic

three chairsAll you need is Love, Modern Philosophers.  Love is all you need…

I’ve had that Beatles classic stuck in my head all day.  In fact, I’ve been wandering around in a haze for the last few days, and I’m not sure why.  All I know is that I had an overwhelming desire to bring you a new edition of “Three Chairs on a Porch”, and I could only do it with these two guests.

As you know, I invite two people with a vague connection to join me on the porch of The House on the Hill.  They get to ask each other one question, and I just sit there between them and enjoy the conversation.

My guests tonight are my good friend and the leader of the local Coven, Waltzing Matilda, and everyone’s favorite baby archer, Cupid.

Cupid, who sat on my right, asked the first question.  “Waltzing Matilda, aside from being the most powerful Witch in Maine and leader of the state’s most popular Coven, you are also world famous for being the creator of Love Potion #8.  That elixir was so potent, that the Federal Government stepped in, banned its production, and had it pulled from shelves all over the country.”

LoveWaltzing Matilda smiled reminiscently as she rocked gently in her chair.  I sipped my Snapple and wondered what Cupid was going to ask.

“To this day,” Cupid continued, “people try to track down a dose of your most infamous creation.  A vial recently sold for $1.3M on ebay, and rumor has it that you have been offered more than ten times that amount by actors, Saudi princes, heiresses, and other monied types to whip up another batch of the tonic.”

“My question to you is, do you ever think Love could be so powerful that it requires government regulation?”

waltzing-matilda“Quite simply put, Cupid, Love is Magic,” Waltzing Matilda began as she continued to rock gently in her chair.  “Like all Magic, Love is powerful, destructive, enchanting, capable of moving obstacles and changing how we look at life.”

“Love, if not handled with care and respect, can become a very harmful weapon.  It can kill, crush, shatter, destroy, paralyze, and maim.  Love has a dark side, it corrupts, it controls, and can turn a saint into a sinner.”

“When Love is cast with care and attention, it is the most powerful kind of Magic.  There is nothing it cannot do, no person it cannot save, no mountain it cannot move, and no heart it cannot conquer.  The Beatles had it right, my friend…Love really is all you need.”

“So to answer your question in the most roundabout way imaginable,” she continued with a cackle, “Love never needs government regulation.  It just needs to be cherished, respected, and never used as a weapon of mass destruction.  When you try to regulate Love, you are dooming mankind to a life with limits and lowered expectations.”

“Let love blossom and grow, and you shall never lead a boring life.”

We sat in silence for the longest time.  The only sound I could hear was that of my heart pounding harder.  Matilda’s words had really stuck a chord with me.  I opened a second Snapple and chugged down half the bottle to cool the fire burning in my chest.

“As for you, young Cupid,” Waltzing Matilda began her query once she felt that her words had really taken hold, “have you ever worried that your marksmanship has brought together two lovers who shouldn’t have been paired?”

Cupid“Never once have I worried about that,” Cupid answered quickly and confidently.  “My aim is as true as the Love it helps blossom.”

“My arrows will only fly to a target where True Love is a possibility.  People have a misconception that I decide who will find Love, but the fact of the matter is that Love guides me.  Love tells me when to pull an arrow from the quiver, it gives me my target, and it ensures that I never miss.”

“The Love is already there,” he continued as he looked at his bow with admiration.  “What I do is facilitate its growth.  I give a helpful push in the right direction to two hearts that are destined to meet, but just haven’t yet crossed paths.  All I do is nudge.  The Love works its own Magic.”

And that, my friends, is how things unfolded on this very romantic edition of “Three Chairs on a Porch.”  I hope tonight’s guests have given you a little something to think about, as I know they have certainly had quite the effect on me.

Thank you for joining me on the porch.  I promise to have you back real soon!

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Three Chairs On A Porch: Two Lovebirds & A Hopeless Romantic

  1. I think we’re all looking for a little love in our lives, whether it’s from a mother, father, or significant other. We, as human beings, crave it and need it.

  2. Like Cupid, love is a fantasy!! I’m not cynical……or anything :-))

  3. cat9984 says:

    Hmmmmmm – nice to see you back to your old romantic self

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