The All Hallow’s Society, Maine’s Super Secret Organization that plans every last detail of the state’s Halloween Season, has held top secret meetings to discuss the addition of a holiday with the working title “Half-Halloween”.
The group’s roster is a well guarded secret. Many believe Stephen King to be a member, but he has famously been quoted as saying: “Those guys are WAY too scary for me!”
Why would the All Hallow’s Society want to introduce the new holiday? This Modern Philosopher got the truth directly from the Headless Horseman’s horse’s mouth. My friends in high places arranged for a phone call with a member of the AHS, who called me from a blocked number and used a voice distorter exactly like the one Ghostface used in the “Scream” flicks.
“Hello, Austin. What’s your favorite scary movie?” the caller asked and then laughed. The ice was quickly broken with that. “As you know, the Halloween Season in Maine is prime tourist season for Otherworldly Beings. They flock here beginning October 1, and stay through Halloween. That gives a tremendous boost to the state’s economy, that we’d like to see repeated later in the year. Hence our plans for Half-Halloween.”
According to the mystery caller, Half-Halloween would take place on April 30, exactly six months after or before (are you a the cauldron is half full or half empty kind of person???) Halloween. “Maine is gorgeous in the Spring, and I think our Otherworldly Friends would love the opportunity to spend the month of April here, watching Maine come back to life after a long, cold, dreary Winter. It would be like the Halloween Spirits are returning to the land, rising from the dead, and celebrating the return of warmth.”
I sent the interns out to do some quick polling of the neighborhood children, and the kiddos were 100% behind the idea of Half-Halloween and getting free candy for a second time.
Maine’s Otherworldly Being population was also very supportive of the idea. “We’d love another chance to see our friends, who only feel safe coming to Maine during the Halloween Season,” Volcanica Ivy told me at Three Toads & A Wicked Lady. “I don’t think you’d find a Witch in Maine who wouldn’t support the idea.”
I tried to get a comment from Governor LePage, but his office told me he had no interest in commenting on a celebration that was plotted by a secret organization. Clearly, LePage was upset that he wasn’t invited to join the All Hallow’s Society.
Mayor McCheese, on the other hand, was happy to talk. “If I am lucky enough to be elected the next Governor of this great state, Austin, I will wholeheartedly throw my support behind the idea of Half-Halloween,” he told me quite enthusiastically. “Free candy and more tourism? Sign me up now!”
Fans of Halloween should light a candle and say a prayer that the new holiday is added to the calendar. I’ve been told The Calendar Commission isn’t a big fan of allowing new holidays, but then again, no one wants to say no to the All Hallow’s Society.
You can go ahead and think about Thanksgiving all you want, Modern Philosophers, but here in Maine, we’ve still got vision of Jack O’ Lanterns dancing in our heads. I’m sure the turkeys are fine with that!