Thanksgiving was on the horizon.
How do I know that? Because two large turkeys appeared on the front porch of The House on the Hill today. I thought that perhaps they had shown up to be in the audience of a “Three Chairs on a Porch” installment, but I did not have one scheduled for today.
I have to admit I was a little confused when I approached the large birds and asked them how I could be of service.
The turkey on the left nudged the one on the right, who handed me a slip of paper. As I unfolded it, I noticed Gary the Gargoyle circling overhead, a sign that he suspected danger was afoot. I kept one eye on the birds and used the other to read the note.
I looked down at their sad little faces, and knew I had to help. I didn’t know if I had any legal standing to offer asylum, so I called famed Bangor attorney Cy Brown to get his take on the situation. “Austin, I’m not as up on Turkey Law as I used to be, but I believe we can go with the basics here. The House on the Hill is your property, and you can invite any guests you want to stay there. As long as the are not doing anything illegal, the authorities cannot enter your home to take them away. Should anyone else show up trying to take the turkeys, you can have them arrested for trespassing.”
It sounded easy enough. I didn’t know anything about taking care of turkeys, but then again, I’d never had a Gargoyle before I moved to The House on the Hill. I just wanted to make sure that these two birds would be the extent of my asylum giving. I didn’t want word to get around that I had opened an Embassy to which turkeys could flee to avoid becoming Thanksgiving Dinner.
I called my farm owner Witch friend Ti-Diana to ask for help. She was happy to put a Scentafarin Spell on the house, which would make it emit a scent, noticeable only to turkeys, that would make the property smell like a threat to them.
“It will keep the other turkeys away,” she assured me with a smile as she talked to my turkey guests in a very odd language. “They want you to know how grateful they are, they promised not to make a mess, and I assured them I would bring over some feed and stop by regularly to chat with them.”
And that was how the Thanksgiving Season began for me.
Guess I’m having ham this year…