We were lucky to get some mild weather today, and even luckier that my two guests happened to be in town for this weekend’s Race To The North Pole, which benefits Mrs. Claus’ Red & Green Foundation.
As always, I am joined on the front porch of The House on the Hill by two guests, who get to ask each other one question. Today’s guests are Mrs. Claus and Frosty the Snowman!
Santa’s wife, who took the seat to my right, was in town for Saturday’s Race To The North Pole, and because her Red & Green Foundation was producing a public service announcement. The star of that PSA? Frosty the Snowman. I’ve written about both these events, so catch up on your reading, Modern Philosophers!
The lady had the first question. “Frosty, thank you again for shooting that PSA today. You were absolutely fabulous,” she cooed. “I’m so pleased that you will be the official starter for this year’s Race To The North Pole as well.”
The crowd gave Frosty a warm round of applause, which he responded to with a wave.
“I hate to ask you this question, but I know it’s the one that has been on everyone’s mind for years. If you knew the sun was hot that day, why did you lead the kids right down the street of town, up to the traffic cop instead of finding someplace cold to take shelter?”
“First, Mrs. Claus, let me say it was an honor to be asked to participate in these events for your fabulous Red & Green Foundation. It’s an amazing charity, and the children of the world are much better off because of it!” Frosty stood up and applauded.
The crowd gathered on my lawn gave Mrs. Claus a well deserved standing ovation. I toasted her with my bottle of Snapple.
Once everyone settled down again, Frosty answered the question. “I’m a snowman, so I’m not exactly generating any Deep Thoughts. There’s a giant bucket of snowballs where a brain should be. I knew that I was going to melt eventually, so I figured why not just go out in style?”
“Those kids were going to be sad, but I thought that if I gave them a day of fun to distract them, they might remember that instead of my remarkable transition into a giant puddle. The Holiday Season is all about the kids, and I did it for them.”
This generated another round of applause. I opened a second bottle of Snapple while I waited for it to die down, and said a silent thank you to Mother Nature for keeping it just chilly enough to ensure that Frosty didn’t transform on my porch.
“Mrs. Claus, I have to ask the obvious: What do you get Santa for Christmas?”
“Forgive me, Frosty,” she finally replied with a hint of embarrassment in her voice. “I’m not looking to avoid your question, but I’m simply struggling to find a way to word it so that Austin can keep the ‘Family Friendly’ tag on his blog. You know what? I just don’t think I can answer that without causing you to melt.”
That, Modern Philosophers, was the answer that almost brought down The House on the Hill! The crowd went wild. I spit out my Snapple. Frosty pumped his broomstick into the air emphatically.
All the while, Mrs. Claus just smiled and blushed. Classic.
Thanks for joining us on the porch. I promise to have you over again real soon!