Welcome to the coldest ever edition of Three Chairs on a Porch, Modern Philosophers! It was a frigid 9 degrees when my guests arrived on the porch of The House on the Hill, but luckily, one is used to an Arctic environment, and the other once jumped into a freezing river to save a stranger’s life!
As always, my guests asked each other once question, while I sat between them shivering and praying for a network deal that would allow me the budget to heat the porch!
I was joined on the porch today by Opus and George Bailey. My favorite comic strip penguin took the chair to my left and asked the first question.
“George, you’re famous for helping Clarence the Angel finally earn his wings. Is there any chance you can use your pull with the Guy Upstairs to get me some wings that would actually allow me to fly?”
The few fans who had braved the weather to gather on my front lawn, clapped loudly. That might just have been in an attempt to stay warm, however.
“To answer your question, Opus,” George finally continued, “I’d do anything I could to help you to fly. There’s a bridge at the end of the street. If you want to jump off it, I’ll go into the river after you and see if that gets God’s attention. If it does, we can ask him about getting you some working wings.”
Opus mulled over the idea while I chugged what was left of my Snapple. Bridge jumps? In this weather? I opened another Snapple and hoped for the best.
Luckily, the flightless waterfowl declined George’s offer to take a dip in the Penobscot River. Crisis averted.
“Well, if you change your mind, just let me know,” Bailey informed his fellow guest. “How much do you miss being in the funny pages every day? Bloom County used to be one of the most popular comic strips in the country.”
“I definitely miss the old boarding house and life in Bloom County,” he continued after using one of his flightless wings to wipe a tear from his cheek. “Country life was good, especially before we became celebrities and the paparazzi started to follow us everywhere. Those were the days.”
“But I don’t miss the early call times, having to stand in one position for hours while Berkeley drew us, and then coming back for re-draws if he decided a panel wasn’t quite perfect. I don’t miss the wild parties, the out of control behavior, and all the women. There were so many women, George! After awhile, it got to be too much.”
“I like my time out of the spotlight. It’s a wonderful life, you know?”
George shook his head in understanding. Somewhere, in the distance, a bell rang (well, I actually just had one of the interns do that for the applause).
Thanks for joining us on the porch. I promise to have to over again real soon.