Word around the Capitol today, Modern Philosophers, is that the President wants to tax us on the gifts we get from Santa Claus!
“We tax other gifts, Austin,” the President explained to this Modern Philosopher via Skype. “If your boss gives you a Christmas bonus, we tax it. If your employer buys you a gift card, we tax it. If you win something on a game show, we’d tax that, too.”
“So why aren’t we taxing these gifts Americans get every year from Santa Claus?” he asked in a most Grinch-like manner. “Maybe the Government wouldn’t be in so much debt, if it had all these tax dollars at its disposal.”
President Obama was talking like a lame duck leader, who knows he can pretty much say anything at this point because his approval ratings can’t get any lower. Political pundits hit the airwaves with their theories that the White House issued this new Santa Tax plan to try to deflect some of the attention away from the failures of Obamacare.
Take a look under your tree on Christmas morning, Modern Philosophers. Keep track of which presents are from Santa Claus, and then calculate their retail value. Once you have that number, figure out what 30% of that is. Then plan to write a check for that amount to Uncle Sam.
Can the President actually pass such a law? Did Scrooge make Bob Cratchit work on Christmas Eve? Did the Grinch steal Christmas? Did Burgermeister Meisterburger outlaw toys in Sombertown? Did Mr. Potter secretly plot to murder George Bailey for decades?
I’m not sure about that last one, Modern Philosophers, but the answer to all the other questions is a definitive “Yes!”. Per the IRS website, there is even a name for the form that will be made available to calculate how much we owe in Santa Claus Taxes. It’s called the 1040 SC. Bah humbug!
I called the North Pole to get Santa Claus’ take on all this. “I have to admit this is the first I’m hearing of it, Austin,” Santa replied with a weary sigh. “I’ve been so busy planning Christmas, that I haven’t had a chance to turn on NPNN (North Pole News Network). This certainly doesn’t sound like something of which I’d approve, and there’s no way I’d want the parents of good little boys and girls to bear a financial burden because of the gifts I bring.”
Santa assured me that he would send his lawyers down to Washington, DC by morning sleigh to ask for a word with President Obama. “And if he doesn’t agree to meet with them, let’s just say that a certain man on Pennsylvania Avenue will not be getting the autographed Chicago Bulls jersey he asked for this year.”
Ho, ho, ho! Hands off our dough! Santa Tax has got to go!!!
I guess we shall see who is the most powerful man in the world, Modern Philosophers. My money is on Santa Claus. What do you think? Happy Holidays!