Jump Start Your Brain: Christmas Carols

JumpstartIt’s the Saturday before Christmas, Modern Philosophers!

We’ve got a major ice storm headed our way, so my plan is to hunker down at The House on the Hill, and spend a quiet weekend away from Snow Miser’s wrath.

I was up early because the little black cat demanded his breakfast at an ungodly hour (that’s going to get him on the Naughty List for sure!) and I haven’t been able to get back to sleep.  I also haven’t been able to fully wake up, and I feel my thoughts are nowhere near as deep as they need to be.

So, it’s time to jump start my brain.  Who’s with me?  There’s egg nog and Christmas cookies to enjoy once your brain gets this mighty jolt…

What’s the deal with Christmas Carols?  Do you ever take the time to actually listen to the words?  Or do you just sing along mindlessly like most people?

Has that True Love clown from the 12 Days of Christmas song ever freaked you out?  Who gives anyone that many gifts?  How is he funding these expenses?  Why does he seem so obsessed with birds?  Partridges?  Turtle Doves?  French Hens?  Calling Birds?  Geese?  Swans?  Is this guy a bird lover?  Is the object of his affection the president of the Audubon Society?  Are they going to eat all the birds?  Keep them as pets?  Release them all at the Winter Olympics?  Where does the Board of Health and the ASPCA stand on these gifts?

CarolsAnd then what about all the human gifts?  Drummers?  Pipers? Leaping Lords?  Dancing Ladies?  Maids?  Is this a human trafficking ring?  Are we talking white slavery?  Are these people being given against their will?  Have they agreed to the exchange?  Is this a permanent gift?  Or is it a hostage situation?  Are these people going to help take care of all the birds?

Are all these presents wrapped?  If so, who does the wrapping?  Who has time to wrap that many presents?  What’s the shipping cost involved?  Is an outside agency like UPS involved?  If they are, do they just look the other way at human beings being delivered to this woman’s house day after day?

Why is the recipient okay with all these gifts?  Doesn’t she see that her True Love is obsessed and might be a danger to her?  At the very least, does she acknowledge that her True Love is a Shopaholic?  Why did she find the need to write a song about the gift giving?  Was it the one thing she could do to stay sane while the humans and the birds just kept coming?  Is this particular Christmas Carol more a cry for help?  Are the lyrics clues for law enforcement agents?

And why does the gift giving not continue into a thirteenth day?  Is it because her True Love killed her on that day?  Did he do something incredibly deranged and horrible to her?  Did he put her body parts in a box and deliver them to another lover?  Has this psychopath ever been caught?

Wow!  I intended to rant and rave about several Christmas Carols, but I seem to have blown my mental load on this one song.  I didn’t realize I had so many questions about it.  Now I know why I always turn it off when I come across it on the radio.

My brain is definitely jumping.  How about yours?  Happy Holidays!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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16 Responses to Jump Start Your Brain: Christmas Carols

  1. Ah, this is one of my least favourite Christmas carols. Waaay over done and bombastic, for my taste. Like the “big” carols that get trumped up with music played by an egomaniacal organist and shrieking descant sopranos. I just tune it all out. … When my vocal group was preparing for an Earth Day concert a few years ago, the leader wrote a song in the style of The Twelve Days of Christmas. All the things we could do to save the planet in 12 easy verses which just kept repeating over and over and over and over. I sang it under protest. And she knew it. 🙂 … The whole partridge in a pear tree thing is lost on me. Give me gentle Christmas songs to sooth the soul; to bring comfort and joy and I’m happy. Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming is one of my favourites. 🙂

  2. Richard M Nixon (Deceased) says:

    Reblogged this on Dead Citizen's Rights Society.

  3. I’ve always found this song to be fairly irritating and rather obsessive. However, my least favorite Christmas song has to be “Christmas Shoes.”

  4. cat9984 says:

    Just a note from your cat – he has placed you on the naughty list for not being sensitive enough to his need for nourishment.

  5. ksbeth says:

    seems like it would be so crowded with all of those creatures and people under my tree

  6. elisapompili says:

    12 Days of Christmas is a lot more fun when you come up with your own version! 🙂

    My favorite Christmas carol is O Come, All Ye Faithful, because of the instrumentals behind it and the way the Brady Bunch sings it in A Very Brady Christmas. I’m a Christmas movie geek, sorry!

  7. floridaborne says:

    Overthinking Christmas Carols. Fun post!

    The 12 days of Christmas is a fun song–sort of like “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” 🙂

    5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree is fun to sing. My favorite version is the McKenzie brother’s.

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