Pope Turns Vatican Into North Pole For Jesus’ Birthday Bash

PopeMerry Christmas Eve, Modern Philosophers!  I am hitching a ride on an Alien Star Cruiser so that I can get to Vatican City in time for the festivities.

The Partying Pontiff is at it again!  To celebrate his first Christmas at the helm of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis has transformed the Vatican and St. Peter’s Square into a replica of the North Pole!

“It’s Jesus’ birthday, Austin, so we have to throw him an amazing party,” The Holy Father explained via Skype as I packed my bags for my trip.  “Jesus is the reason for the season, but everyone loves the Santa Claus aspect of it, too, so I thought I would combine them for one awesome rager!”

As you can see from the photo below, Pope Francis did an amazing job.  Doesn’t that look exactly like the North Pole?  How did he get it so perfect?

North Pole“Well, being the Pope does have certain advantages,” he explained with a chuckle.  “One is that all the saints are at my beck and call.  I asked St. Nicholas for assistance, and he was happy to send down some Elf Engineers to oversee the construction.”

Since he is involving another celebrity with his party planning, does The Partying Pontiff believe his Christmas Celebration will top the Easter Egg Hunt designed by Dan Brown?

“Excellent question,” the Pope concurred, clearly giving my question his blessing.  “It’s going to be hard to top Dan’s hunt, but no one knows the North Pole better than Santa Claus.  Besides, it is the most wonderful time of the year, right?  I’m expecting quite the turn out for the party.”

jesus cakeAside from the North Pole layout, which includes Elves, Reindeer, and a working duplicate of Santa’s Workshop (all toys created will be donated to local charities), there will be a massive birthday cake (pictured on the left) designed by one of Italy’s top bakers.

“There will also be a turkey dinner, Christmas cookies and pies, and lots of eggnog.  There will not be, however, any of Grandma’s Holiday Fruitcake.  As you wrote about in your blog earlier, those things are scary!”

Does Pope Francis have any surprises in store for his guests?  “I might tell a couple of jokes at Midnight Mass,” he replied with a sarcastic chuckle.  “There are a few celebrities, aside from yourself, on the guest list.  I can’t name names, but I can assure you we will have great live music all night.”

I guess Santa Claus won’t be in attendance due to a previous commitment.

“Don’t be so sure of that, Austin,” he answered quickly and in a tone that aroused suspicion.  “Could you hold on a sec?  I think one of the Cardinals is calling me.”

SantaA good Catholic boy never says “No” to the Pope, so I just waited at my laptop for his return.  When he did come back, he looked like…well, there’s a screen capture of how he looked on the left.

“Maybe Santa will make an appearance after all,” the jolly old Pope in the Santa suit hinted.  “Type up your blog post and head on over.  I promised the Nuns I’d get you to Midnight Mass.”

The mere mention of the scary ladies in the black habits sent a shiver down my spine.  Then I realized it’s Winter in Maine and The House on the Hill is just chilly.

I’m off to Vatican City, Modern Philosophers.  I’m taking my laptop, though, so I will be in touch.  Merry Christmas!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Pope Turns Vatican Into North Pole For Jesus’ Birthday Bash

  1. ksbeth says:

    merry christmas austin, and good luck!

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