The Grinch Pays A Christmas Eve Visit To Juvenile Burglars

GrinchHe used to be a mean one, that Mr. Grinch, but he has turned over a new leaf, Modern Philosophers.

On Christmas Eve, the creature who once stole Christmas from an entire town, was in Charleston, Maine to visit teens at the Mountain View Youth Development Center.

“I’m here to see the youngsters who are being held for burglary offenses,” The Grinch explained to this Modern Philosopher.  “I know that they all wish they were at home on Christmas Eve, rather than in youth jail, so my visit is like something of a Holiday Scared Straight program.”

The Grinch met with about two dozen teens, both male and female, and spoke to them about his past life as a master villain.  He made sure they were aware that his life of crime was cleaned up and made a lot easier to swallow for the Christmas special and movie based on his pillaging of Whoville.

“These kids have seen the cartoon or the movie with Jim Carrey, so they think I was this grumpy, green Scrooge, who did a crazy thing one Christmas Eve and then quickly reformed,” The Grinch told me with a heavy sigh.  “They have no idea how horrible my life really was, all the unspeakable things I’d done, and the troubling fate that awaited me.”

Santa-Naughty-List“I make it clear that they are on the same path, and we’re not talking a place on Santa’s Naughty List.  I lay it all out for them.  I tell them all the despicable crimes they will commit, the people they will kill, the lives they will ruin, and how different adult prison is from kiddie jail.  I pile it on until those smug, little punks are a green as I am!”

The Grinch’s Scared Straight program has certainly been working.  Over the past three years, none of the juvenile offenders he’s visited on Christmas Eve has gone on to commit another crime.

“It’s a gift, Austin,” he told me with a smile.  “I met Dr. Seuss after he bought the rights to my story, and he taught me a thing or two about using words to influence people.  I might not be a doctor, but I feel like my words and experiences are a medicine that inoculates these youngsters against a life of crime.”

treeThe Grinch told me that when he wraps up his talk, he emphasizes that a life of freedom is the ultimate gift.

“I urge them to never spend another day, let alone another Christmas, behind bars.  I make them long to wake up in their own beds and run downstairs to see all those presents waiting for them under the tree.”

The Grinch is also available for private consultations.  So, if you’ve got a kiddo who has a talent for breaking and entering, or a tendency towards kleptomania, you might want to talk to the green guy.

His website is  Tell him you read about the site on my blog, and you’ll get the 15% Modern Philosopher’s discount.

Good luck with that problem child!  Merry Christmas!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Grinch Pays A Christmas Eve Visit To Juvenile Burglars

  1. gimpet says:

    LOL, I wonder how many people will actually go to this website? Wish there was a Grinch who could save my child from drugs…. 😦

  2. Merry Christmas Austin 🙂

  3. Pingback: Sunday Cryptoquote Spoiler – 12/29/13 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog

  4. Pingback: The Grinch Says 8 Days Of Hanukkah Are Just Too Tempting | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s