Well, Maine’s Top Secret Election Day has come and gone, Modern Philosophers. Despite the horribly frigid temperatures, Mainers turned out in records numbers to vote on Referendum Subzero, which appeared on the ballot as such:
“Should all Mainers be put into a state of hibernation so that we can sleep through the rest of Winter and be awakened on April 1 once the snow is gone and temperatures have finally risen above freezing?”
The measure passed with a whopping 71% of the vote going in the “Yes” column.
We are scheduled to be put to into our Deep Winter Slumber tomorrow night. I’m really looking forward to it. The procedure is being handled by our Alien friends, who use hibernation technology in their long journeys across the universe.
Most Mainers will spend the Winter snuggled away in their own beds as the Alien Technology has been adapted for home use. I’m of the “lucky ones”, though, who gets to spend my hibernation aboard the Alien Mothership. How cool is that?
The Devil and Seamus have promised to house sit and feed Banky in my absence.
I’ve asked my Witch friends to check on Seamus and Satan periodically to make sure that they haven’t burned down The House on the Hill. Hopefully, my Otherworldly Being friends will keep the blog up and running while I sleep.
There were obviously some Mainers opposed to the Long Winter’s Nap, but Governor LePage made it clear that if the referendum passed, every citizen in Maine had to hibernate. LePage spokesperson Hannah van Winkle explained: “It wouldn’t be fair to let some people stay awake while the rest of us slept. Those non-sleepers could ransack our homes, wear our clothes, or use our toilets without flushing.”
Excellent points. I’d expect nothing more intelligent from our Governor. Luckily, he was not granted a spot on the Mothership. I hear he snores very loudly.
Maybe the Aliens will just plant him in the snow outside of the Blaine House. Would serve him right.
So, don’t be worried when you don’t hear from me for a few months. I’ll just be in a massive spaceship, hovering over Maine, and sleeping like bear. I expect to have some pretty wild dreams, and I’ll be sure to share them on the blog come April.
Feel free to still come to Maine for a visit. The Otherworldly Beings will be minding the store while we doze, so all the usual tourist attractions will be open. I hear that Stephen King has given the go ahead to have visitors tour his home and peek in on him while he sleeps. You shouldn’t pass up on a chance like that!
Enjoy the rest of the Winter. See you in April!
Someone will need to stand guard against the Non Toilet-flushing Scofflaws!
I hope they don’t pee on the seat too.
Tragedy awaits The Hibernators!
I was so moved by my post that I fell asleep on the couch! Hope no one used my toilet without flushing while I was napping!
The election process is amazing!
Newfoundland Labrador is joining Maine. Move over.
I knew this idea would catch on!
You’ll have to move back to Maine to get in on this offer!
Auugh! It gets cold here too, you know.
But you have no Aliens there to knock you out for 3 months…
Three months! It doesn’t stay cold that long in this region.
I guess I will just hole up in the house for a few days.
Sweet dreams to you!
Thanks. I just hope I don’t have 3 months of nightmares!
Nah, just get your self a dream catcher, or one of those doilies you put on the armrest of couches, have a snaffle, and dream on.
MY neighbor Steve wrote a book about dreamcatchers. Maybe he can lend me one…
You have some amazing friends. Sleep well.
Well, my neighbor Steve is a pretty famous writer. Everyone has heard of him…
I have to be careful what I read at night, and now that I think of it, his books might not be good bedtime reading.
Maybe one of the passengers on the sleep tour will have a pet baku with him.
Hmmm… I’m not sure I’d sleep very well with an April Fool’s Day wake-up call…
We actually had a blizzard on April Fool’s Day 2 years ago, but we have to wake up with some time left to file our taxes…
Last year, most of our snow came to us in April. We actually had a green Christmas and a white Easter. Do the non-human inhabitants of Maine not pull pranks on April Fool’s day?
It’s a human holiday to which they are still trying to adapt.
Hopefully it stays that way… happy hibernating!
I just do not see the flowers coming up soon. I received my ticket to hibernation today. It makes no sense fighting this cold anymore. Good luck on the mother ship.
Thanks. I hope they take us on a little journey. Maybe I’ll dream about it.
I won’t be visiting Maine any time soon. I have allergies to cold, and your stories are exacerbating them. 😉
I’m sorry about that. Just reporting the news… 🙂
This has been my plan all along! Hibernation! Hope is catches on a few miles south of you.
Good luck. I’m pumped for tonight’s hibernation party…
good call and you may need to extend this until august
Maybe so. Sweet dreams, right?
Making like bears and hibernating for the winter. In alien pods no less. I think you’re on to something here! And I definitely would NOT pass up a chance to catch Stephen King sleeping. Does Stephen King sleep? I’ve always had the suspicion he was a vampire. An extremely talented writer vampire. Now I HAVE see!
Well, visit me while you’re here. I’ll leave a note giving you permission to board the mothership to see me. Deal?
It’s a deal, shlameal! I’ll bring the Kit Kats (because what is a trip on a mothership with Kit Kats?!)
Looking forward to it. 🙂
I’m OK with aliens, I want in – I’m right over here in CT !
It might be too late to get in on this deal, though… 🙂