Pluto Trying To Buy Its Way Back To Big Boy Planet Status

plutoThe Milky Way Galaxy’s Annual Meetings are underway, Modern Philosophers, and the big talk this year is about Pluto’s attempt to get itself reinstated as a planet.

My sources tell me that The Original Eight, as the remaining planets like to call themselves, are giving Pluto’s request serious consideration.

If you recall, Pluto was demoted from Planetary status in 2006.  It is now classified as a “Space Orb Formerly Known As A Planet”.  Quite a mouthful, right?

So what might get the cool kids to change their minds and let the squirt rejoin the gang?

“Money and lots of it,” Councilor R’ao’jai Na, a Galactic Ambassador and my guide to the annual meeting, explained.  “Times are tough all across the galaxy, and the other eight planets are hurting for an infusion of income.  Pluto basically walked into the room, threw a suitcase of cash down on the conference table, and said there was a lot more where that came from if it were allowed to return to the big time.”

money series: hudreds of green dollar textureOf course, Modern Philosophers, the currency of choice was not American dollars, but I didn’t have any clip art of intergalactic currencies available.  An intern is going to get fired for that one!

My sources have told me that while six of The Original Eight are totally down with welcoming back Pluto and all its cash, there are two adamant holdouts to the idea.  Those two planets have an issue with where Pluto has gotten its influx of money.

“It’s Mercury and Saturn,” one of my insiders revealed.  “Neither of them are hurting for money.  Mercury has always been The Sun’s pet, so it never wants for anything.  Saturn is independently wealthy from some good investments, its deal with the car company, and the fact that the amusement parks located on its rings are the most popular in the galaxy.”

bouncersSo, basically, Mercury and Saturn are the bad ass bouncers keeping poor, lonely Pluto out of the coolest club in the Milky Way.

Do they have enough clout, however, to make Pluto remain on the other side of the velvet ropes?

“I don’t think so,” another anonymous voice in a vast galaxy of voices whispered in this Modern Philosopher’s ear.  “It’s six against two, and everyone knows that Venus and Mars are too powerful to not get what they want.  Very few beings realize it, but it was those two power mongers that got Pluto kicked out of the union eight years ago.”

Sadly, I was not able to get any more details as to why Venus and Mars wanted Pluto out, and why they are now fine on allowing it to return.  And from where exactly did Pluto get all this money?  What kind of business has the ex-planet been conducting for the past eight years?  Is there some rich, evil Alien power backing this move and using Pluto as a pawn to conquer our solar system?

our planetsI was just thrilled to find out that galactic drama is way better than any reality TV show.  I need to hang out beyond Earth’s atmosphere more often.

I am dying to know how Pluto’s power move will play out.  I’d much prefer to have nine planets.  Eight just isn’t enough in this case.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Do you want Pluto back in the line up?  Are you a fan of its bold move?  Or are you offended and cool with the solar system the way it is?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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186 Responses to Pluto Trying To Buy Its Way Back To Big Boy Planet Status

  1. thorsaurus says:

    First they came for Pluto, and I said nothing …
    Of course Pluto looks too small to be a planet. It’s like a really long way away. I mean, like a really, really, really long way away. Jeeeez.

  2. Not that it matters, but I favor readmitting Pluto into the Planets Club.

  3. I never thought Venus could be trusted…..

  4. taylor says:

    Good luck pluto ! I’m rooting for you.

  5. weather6842 says:

    Reblogged this on meteorologyman and commented:
    Put on your big boy matter Pluto.

  6. musical099 says:

    Nice! Just like the artist formerly known as Prince.

  7. E. says:

    Oh my! This is definitely more thrilling than any TV series. Please keep us update! 😉

  8. Pluto deserves special status. Make it a “planet”…but we’ll all KNOW…we’ll just KNOW.

  9. I love this post so much. Make me smile.

  10. A. M. McDonald says:

    i’ll take Pluto’s cash, but I’ll be looking for the “more where that came from” and see to which Alien species it leads.

  11. tonytingle says:

    Reblogged this on TranceMusic.

  12. sonatano1 says:

    To be honest, I think Pluto is better off where it is. Instead of being a weird, oddball member of the planet club, it has its own club of icy planets in the Kuiper Belt. And in that club, Pluto is the boss. It was first to be discovered in that group and it’s the most famous by far (unless a lot of people really know about Eris and Sedna, which I don’t think is the case!) If I were Pluto I’d just say screw it and stick with my new, way better club.

  13. yakinamac says:

    I can help you on one of those questions: Pluto got shedloads of cash from Disney. Walt always knew it was the brains of the operation.

  14. Travis Long says:

    didn’t know the solar system was so tense

  15. iozeo says:

    Most things aren’t set in stone. Change is destined.

  16. richclashchair says:

    I love Pluto! It needs planet status again! (:

  17. But they are big and he is little and that’s not fair. 🙂

  18. bernquist says:

    Consider being known as an “orb.” Surely Pluto hates himself for being designated as such. I say if he’s willing to pay we should let him back in, like a mule with no pants.

  19. cyrusquick says:

    I am so ignorant that I know not whether Pluto is accruing mass or shedding it, nor what sort of mass would be involved. I think there is plenty of time for Pluto to grow big, if it wants to, or slim down if the fashion changes. The purpose of Sol’s spare planets must surely be to provide raw material from which to build Earth’s space arks. Humans need to grow wise before setting forth on star-settling, colony building. Why insult Pluto anyway? Ka or Humvee? Size is not ANYthing, let alone EVERYthing. Small is cute. Large is brute.

  20. susielindau says:

    Wow! Such a great post Austin! I just read it to Danny. Congrats and I hope Pluto is reinstated sometime soon!

    • Austin says:

      Thanks, Susie. I was honored to learn it had been Freshly Pressed. Pluto says this has brought a lot more attention to its cause, and it is most thankful to the folks at WordPress for all this publicity!

  21. boobooda7 says:

    Size does not matter. Pluto kicks hiney.

  22. Pingback: Astronomy 101 |

  23. haridasgowra says:

    Amasing picture! good writing!

  24. skinnyuz2b says:

    Pluto will always be a planet in my book. No one takes planets away from Mary Barbara’s universe!

  25. pi314chron says:

    Hilarious stuff! Thanx fer the follow, Austin.


  26. markquinn7 says:

    I thought the reason Pluto was banned from the other planets’
    celestial social club was its insistence that Earth be kicked out …
    and since the Earth is armed to the teeth with space junk …
    poor Pluto! –Mark

    • Austin says:

      Yes, poor Pluto. It’s got the resources, though, so it might be back. I guess we’d better be careful if it does return… 🙂

  27. Joe Bigliogo says:

    Why not modify our definition of planet just enough to include pluto? There’s simply no need for this marginalization; I was taught in school our goal was to be inclusive.

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