Pluto Trying To Buy Its Way Back To Big Boy Planet Status

plutoThe Milky Way Galaxy’s Annual Meetings are underway, Modern Philosophers, and the big talk this year is about Pluto’s attempt to get itself reinstated as a planet.

My sources tell me that The Original Eight, as the remaining planets like to call themselves, are giving Pluto’s request serious consideration.

If you recall, Pluto was demoted from Planetary status in 2006.  It is now classified as a “Space Orb Formerly Known As A Planet”.  Quite a mouthful, right?

So what might get the cool kids to change their minds and let the squirt rejoin the gang?

“Money and lots of it,” Councilor R’ao’jai Na, a Galactic Ambassador and my guide to the annual meeting, explained.  “Times are tough all across the galaxy, and the other eight planets are hurting for an infusion of income.  Pluto basically walked into the room, threw a suitcase of cash down on the conference table, and said there was a lot more where that came from if it were allowed to return to the big time.”

money series: hudreds of green dollar textureOf course, Modern Philosophers, the currency of choice was not American dollars, but I didn’t have any clip art of intergalactic currencies available.  An intern is going to get fired for that one!

My sources have told me that while six of The Original Eight are totally down with welcoming back Pluto and all its cash, there are two adamant holdouts to the idea.  Those two planets have an issue with where Pluto has gotten its influx of money.

“It’s Mercury and Saturn,” one of my insiders revealed.  “Neither of them are hurting for money.  Mercury has always been The Sun’s pet, so it never wants for anything.  Saturn is independently wealthy from some good investments, its deal with the car company, and the fact that the amusement parks located on its rings are the most popular in the galaxy.”

bouncersSo, basically, Mercury and Saturn are the bad ass bouncers keeping poor, lonely Pluto out of the coolest club in the Milky Way.

Do they have enough clout, however, to make Pluto remain on the other side of the velvet ropes?

“I don’t think so,” another anonymous voice in a vast galaxy of voices whispered in this Modern Philosopher’s ear.  “It’s six against two, and everyone knows that Venus and Mars are too powerful to not get what they want.  Very few beings realize it, but it was those two power mongers that got Pluto kicked out of the union eight years ago.”

Sadly, I was not able to get any more details as to why Venus and Mars wanted Pluto out, and why they are now fine on allowing it to return.  And from where exactly did Pluto get all this money?  What kind of business has the ex-planet been conducting for the past eight years?  Is there some rich, evil Alien power backing this move and using Pluto as a pawn to conquer our solar system?

our planetsI was just thrilled to find out that galactic drama is way better than any reality TV show.  I need to hang out beyond Earth’s atmosphere more often.

I am dying to know how Pluto’s power move will play out.  I’d much prefer to have nine planets.  Eight just isn’t enough in this case.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Do you want Pluto back in the line up?  Are you a fan of its bold move?  Or are you offended and cool with the solar system the way it is?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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186 Responses to Pluto Trying To Buy Its Way Back To Big Boy Planet Status

  1. lula avila says:

    Once a planet, always a planet!

  2. Ann Koplow says:

    Because I’m feeling nostalgic these days, I wish Pluto could be returned to the same planetary glory and status it held when I was young.

  3. Hmmm … Is it possible that Pluto is cashing in on the use of its name by a certain famous animated puppy dog? 😉 … It’s time Pluto was reinstated. Every dog must have its day. 🙂

  4. ksbeth says:

    they are jealous and insecure. named after gods.

  5. markbialczak says:

    I want Pluto back into the bunch. The saying My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine doesn’t cut it.

  6. navery101 says:

    Hate to think that my elementary teacher had been wrong all those years…bring it back into the system; solar system that is!

  7. The Cutter says:

    I’ve told anyone who ever asks what to get me as a present that I would like for Pluto to be reinstated as a planet. Thus far, the closest I’ve gotten was a snarky T-shirt supporting the cause.

  8. Another job for the Interspacial Relations Board!

  9. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    NO ICE BALLS ALLOWED???

  10. deweydecimalsbutler says:

    In the very 1st episode of The Magic School Bus series, Miss Frizzle clearly names Pluto among the planets. And as we know, Miss Frizzle is never wrong.

  11. I also heard Neptune was tired of being the solar system’s, ahem, caboose.

  12. Ah, poor Pluto. Just because he’s small they treat him so…

  13. awax1217 says:

    I love the concept of the planets orbing their thoughts in space. This post certainly does rings around all the others. At least the planets have made their positions solid and not wavered in their orbits. I vote to let Pluto have its capital back. Its demotion was political in nature for it was a slow week in the science world.

  14. drjen says:

    It’s just not the same solar system without Pluto.

  15. I am in awe of Neil deGrasse Tyson but I can’t decide whether to hug him or knock him to the floor and force feed him Ritalin.

  16. I for one wouldn’t mind learning a new mnemonic; My Very Educated. We could revisit the ‘new planet’ conversation at set intervals (every 25 years) and include new members (membership drive?, anyone)

  17. Dounia says:

    Aren’t there enough things that have changed since we were in school? I say give Pluto back it’s planet status! (On another note – congrats on being freshly pressed – I really enjoyed this post!)

  18. Bill Hayes says:

    Actualy, it’s all bluster on the part of Mars and Venus. There’s little they can do because they can’t leave their orbits. maybe they could divert the traecvtory of a passing asteriod to fly out to give Pluto a stoney grubbing. As far as I am concerned, he’s still in the club.

    Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  19. robj1971 says:

    Pluto can come back, but Ceres has to come back first. Ceres was a planet for a century before being demoted to an asteroid. Pluto must wait until the Ceres injustice is corrected before it can get full status back.

  20. I think this is not ’bout money, why would we want to spread our corrupted system out of the boundaries of earth?. What i do believe is that it’s harmful for us having grown up with the planets learning song in our heads to be dispatched from our right to sing it the way it is. Let Pluto get back into the gang for christ sake.

  21. Pluto was removed from planet status because he wasn’t “in line” with the rest of the planets. If he can get control of himself and align properly, his case should be considered. Otherwise, he should accept his fate, and just keep moving in his own little self defined orbit.

  22. Pingback: Freshly Pressed Again…Thank You! | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  23. floridaborne says:

    Odd. The notification for this blog entry didn’t show up in my inbox for some reason. I’ve been upset about Pluto’s planetary purging since the day it happened. Most definitely, Pluto belongs back in the line-up.

  24. Fred Fingery says:

    Saturn needs to loosen its asteroid belt and play ball.

  25. Eric says:

    If I can’t see it with my Celestron 11 Inch Schmidt-Cassegrain from my backyard then it’s no planet. Yea, I’m talking to you Uranus – you’re next on the list!

  26. Having taken an astronomy class and learned that there are hundreds of Pluto-like mini planets out there, I’ll pass on letting it back in, because I am not about to learn all their names. However, I think we can all agree that the worst thing is that we can’t use the “My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” thing. Here’s one for the people missing that: “Mean Very Evil Men Just Shortened Up Nature.” Perfect, right?

  27. bubbles4531 says:

    Pluto should stay out, right where he already is. He could have have gotten that money unfairly. Until we know more, I say he stays out.

  28. Running1 says:

    If my 4th grade teacher, Miss Valentine said there are 9 planets, damnit, there are 9 planets.

  29. Marneymae says:

    in my book, Pluto will ALWAYS be a planet.

  30. arnicakala says:

    Pluto will be the planet for me always….as it was my fav in the solar system names

  31. My Very Educated Mother Just Serves Us Nasty…….
    WHERE HAS THE PICKLES GONE!!!
    Bring back the pickles!!

  32. youryobsn says:

    Pluto was good enough to be a planet before 2006 so it must be good enough now. Why change things that work I wonder……

  33. dheerajsah says:

    A job well done! Shared on Reddit

  34. Aussa Lorens says:

    Hey– congrats on being Freshly Pressed (again), Austin! I weep for Pluto on a daily basis.

  35. A.L. Harris says:

    Brilliant, just brilliant. I always wanted to know why Pluto had been demoted and a piece of my childhood ripped away. This obviously needs to happen. No seriously.

  36. Laurie says:

    I grew up with Pluto. My world hasn’t been the same since his demotion 😦

  37. martha0stout says:

    Reblogged this on martha0stout and commented:
    *grins* I kind of want to know how this will end! Keep up the good fight, Pluto!

  38. Brenda says:

    Hilarious. Congrats!

  39. For a minute, I thought whatever committee of scientists who decided Pluto wasn’t a planet were going to confess they were wrong and reinstate it. Then I realized I’d taken the title way too seriously!

  40. Rumor is Pluto still owes money on his Universal property taxes…
    I hope they are wrong. I want Pluto back.

  41. redbiscuitdog says:

    Well, if we add Pluto back to the list, we really should add a bunch more that have been discovered in our solar system – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf_planet

    Are our reasons romantic, or scientific? (I’m ok with either.)

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