I Advise You To Get A New Financial Adviser

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

I hope you pick this letter for your Sunday advice column this week because my problem is time sensitive to January 19.

As you know, the NFL Conference Championship Games are this weekend.  I’m a big fan, and I can tell that you are, too, from reading your blog.  Oh yeah, I read your blog all the time and think that it’s great.  Sorry for not saying that right from the start.  I’m just under a lot of pressure right now and not really thinking straight.

The thing of it is, I’ve run into a little financial problem.  I owe some money to some people who use a collection agency that’s hard to ignore, if you get my meaning.

Long story short, I’ve managed to scrape together some cash, which is just a portion of what I owe my…umm…creditors.  The thing of it is, if I take that cash, bet on the games today, and win ’em both, I’ll have just enough to clear my debts.

So what I was wondering was…is Seamus around?  I’d love to pick that little guy’s brain and get his expert insight on today’s games.  No offense to you and your advice, but I don’t need to laugh right now or ponder any Deep Thoughts.  I just need to know who’s gonna win those games.

Thanks.  Happy Sunday.

Guy With A Lot Riding On Today’s Action

SeamusDear Guy,

I’m sorry to hear about your financial problems.  This is a rough economy, and a lot of people are going through tough times.

Since you think of me as just the joke and Deep Thoughts guy, I’ll keep my reply short.

I advise you to get a new financial adviser.  If you think Seamus is the answer to your problems, then you are in some deep #$%^.

That Leprechaun doesn’t know anything about football other than to bet on the team named after his ancestry.  He makes his selections based on team colors, names, and how bad his hangover is that day.

You’d have a better chance of picking a winner by flipping a coin, or by simply asking that coin who it thinks is going to win the game.

When they say to gamble on your financial future, I really don’t think they had this strategy of yours in mind.  Maybe you should take the money you have and figure out a safe way to invest it while you work out a payment plan with your creditors.

Good luck!



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I Advise You To Get A New Financial Adviser

  1. ksbeth says:

    double or nothing?

  2. Almost Iowa says:

    Why is it that the guy who buys a lottery ticket when the odds are ten million to one, never carries an umbrella when there is a seventy percent chance of rain?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s