I Advise You To Make Cupid Proud

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

Valentine’s Day is less than a week away, and I’m not sure what to get for my girlfriend.

Let me clarify that…I have ideas as to what to get her, but she keeps insisting that Valentine’s Day is no big deal and I shouldn’t bother doing anything special.

That’s a trap, right?  She’s testing me?  She’s saying she doesn’t want anything, but she really wants something great, correct?

Or maybe she really does like to keep it low key on the 14th.  What if I get her something, she doesn’t get me anything, and then gets mad because she told me to keep it simple?

I am utterly and totally confused.  I really love her, and this is our first Valentine’s Day together, so I cannot blow it.  Please advise.

Love the blog.  Thanks for all the laughs.

Confused More Than Usual By The Opposite Sex

CupidDear Confused,

You came to the right place for advice on this one, my friend.  The Hopeless Romantic in me is going to field your question and set you straight.

You know your girlfriend better than I, but does any man really ever know what’s going on in the mind of any woman?

Were I to hazard a guess, I’d say that your special girl has PTVDD… Post Traumatic Valentine’s Day Disorder.  A previous boyfriend or boyfriends probably did not deliver on February 14th and she has become jaded about the Holiday.  My guess is that she has put up the wall of extremely lowered expectations so that she is never hurt again when a significant other delivers a dud on the day meant for lovers.

I advise you to make Cupid proud.  Pull out all the stops.  Go overboard.  Spoil her.  Make her burst into tears because you make a spectacle of how much you love her.  Like you said, this is your first Valentine’s Day together, and you want to sweep her off her feet and have a story to tell friends, family, and maybe even your children for years to come.

Believe me when I say this advice works.  I used this very tactic on my first Valentine’s Day with someone very important to me.  She had admitted that she hated the Holiday because her previous boyfriend never got her anything.

I went all out, bought her gifts that showed her how well I knew her, and I even wrote her a very romantic poem.  If she wasn’t already in love with me, she certainly was after that Valentine’s Day.  It was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had because I knew that I had won the heart of the girl of my dreams.

It’s been my experience that the mouth says one thing, while the heart craves something else entirely.  I believe that your girlfriend wants you to treat her like a princess, and I advise you to do so.

Follow your heart, and all will be well.  And if you have it in you, I strongly advise that you  write her something romantic.  She’ll never forget the words you put down on paper telling her how amazing she is…

Good luck!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to I Advise You To Make Cupid Proud

  1. markbialczak says:

    Plenty of favorite-bandy (not the cheap stuff if you can help it), nice dinner, undivided attention, romantic card. Good advice, Austin. Giving nothing is never, ever the proper choice.

  2. Almost Iowa says:

    Great advise as usual,so let me just add this little sweetener to the pie. You get at least half of everything you give her. Don’t question it, it just works that way. Buy her chocolates and don’t be bashful when she demurely hands you the box and says she is trying to watch her figure..Snarf it down. Same goes for wine, guzzle to your hearts content. Heck, consider buying her a 24 pack of Bud Lite. It always works for me.

  3. Mary-Anne says:

    Love the advice and it is nit sarcastic. Are tou feeling ok?

  4. cat9984 says:

    Most memorable gift – in college my boyfriends sent a singing telegram to where I worked. Loved it then, would hate it now.

  5. ksbeth says:

    great advice, austin.

  6. E. says:

    I like the Hopeless Romantic in you whenever he comes up with advice like this 😉

  7. Leslie Jo says:

    To tell you the truth, I don’t think we (as women) even know what we want, good advice, Austin. Whatever you do, just do it.

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