The Girl Scouts Are Out To Destroy Me!

cookiesThe Girl Scouts are out to get me, Modern Philosophers!

Sure, they look all sweet and innocent, but underneath those adorable smiles is something much more sinister.

As I have been documenting on the blog, I am back on a health kick.  I’ve been running, lifting weights, and eating better.  I even caught this nasty Winter Death Flu just because I knew it would keep me from eating and help me to lose more weight.

I was sitting at my desk today, working hard and staying out of trouble for once, when my friend Tiffany approached with a smile and a plastic bag.  I perked up because, clearly, I was about to be rewarded for being such a good worker bee.

Tiffany deposited the bag on my desk, and I excitedly looked inside to see what I’d won.

CookieHeaderIt was filled with Girl Scout Cookies.

Six boxes.

I asked Tiffany if I had ordered them, and she confirmed that I had, in fact, done so.  It started coming back to me.  It was a few months ago.  Around the Holidays.  I was feeling blue, lazy, and incredibly out of shape.  So I bought Girl Scout Cookies.  Lots of them.

I had actually bought five boxes.  I’d figured twenty dollars wouldn’t kill me (and I apparently wasn’t too concerned about the calories killing me at the time…) and I am always happy to help a good cause.  I’d been a Boy Scout during my misguided youth, so helping fellow scouts just seemed like the thing to do.

So how did I end up with that sixth box, Modern Philosophers?

Clever marketing.  One day, I was asking Tiffany a question, and she offered me a Girl Scout Cookie from the package on her desk.  It was quite yummy, and she explained that it was a new flavor.  She then suggested that since I liked it so much, I should add a box of those to my order.

Girl-Scout-LogoAnd that’s how this poor sucker got roped into a sixth box.

Those Girl Scouts are crafty!

I’m curious to see how long those cookies last.

I can’t possibly devour them all because that would mean all my hard work has gone to waste (and to my waist!).

I’m hoping that I have some self-control.  I do want to eat a few, but I will do my best to limit it to that.  It’s been a rough week, so I deserve a little treat.  But no “feeling sorry for myself because life sucks” binge eating.

I suppose I could offer the rest of the cookies to my frequent house guests.  The Devil clearly has a sweet tooth judging by how he chugs my Snapple stash.  Seamus is always looking to put something in his stomach to keep all the booze a little company.  Gary the Gargoyle loves a midnight snack, so I might leave a box up on the roof for him.

Not so fast, Girl Scouts of Maine!  I know you think you got me, but maybe I’m going to put up more of a fight than you expected.  Yes, your cookies are amazingly delicious and exactly what I crave after a long day at work.

Girl-Scouts-CookiesBut I’ve been putting on my Running Toga and sneakers for a reason.  I’m determined to lose weight so I can fit into my Summer Toga and look good when I go out on my Summer Deep Thought Lecture Tour.

Wish me luck, Modern Philosophers.  Those cookies have been screaming out my name the entire time I’ve been writing this post.

I don’t know if I can ignore their siren call any longer.  Will power, don’t fail me now!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Fitness, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to The Girl Scouts Are Out To Destroy Me!

  1. Poor Austin…another of us guys whom girls can wrap around their little fingers. At least the cookies are not, as Eddie Munster suggested, made with real Girl Scouts inside. THAT would be awful!!!!! 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A WOMAN…OR GIRL SCOUT!!!! 🙂

  3. Brenda says:

    My husband bid on a lot of 20 boxes at a school auction. No one else bid, and we got them for $20. Perhaps that is the price of a soul, $20 for your damnation by overeating round circles of sugar and chemicals. I didn’t have one, and my hubby put on weight. He’s taken it back off, but is that a good cycle? I think you should wrap them in brown paper and leave them at the door of neighbor’s houses, labelled, from a secret admirer. What delicious fun!

  4. I totally wish my mom would still buy Girl Scout cookies.

  5. ksbeth says:

    she uses the same techniques as a crack dealer.

  6. And this is exactly why I did not buy them this year. I have literally run away from Girl Scout tables at the mall and did not support my nieces. Those cookies are deadly!

  7. Those Girl Scouts were pretty crafty to corner the market on cookie sales. I was a Boy Scout leader for a few years and our big fundraiser was . . . huge blocks of cheese. No one buys a five pound cheese brick on a whim, no matter how cute the little scouts selling it are!

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