Surprise Papal Visit Leads To Dirty Forehead And Easter Candy Cravings

080206-N-7869M-057The Nuns are going to punish me harshly for saying this, Modern Philosophers, but I forgot that today is Ash Wednesday.

It was so much easier when I was growing up in Brooklyn and going to Catholic School.  There was no way the Nuns would ever allow us to forgot a Church Holiday, plus they would march us over to church to get our ashes.

In Maine, one does not see many people walking around with crosses drawn in ash on their foreheads.  In fact, I saw no one fitting that description today.

That’s why I forgot it was Ash Wednesday.  Luckily, I have friends in high places.  When I returned to The House on the Hill after a long day at work, I discovered that I had a visitor…and his entourage.

francisPope Francis waved from my porch, smiling despite 17 degree temperatures.  “Welcome home, Austin.  Happy Ash Wednesday!”

I was stunned.  The Holy Father had traveled all the way to Maine to visit me?  Then it hit me.  I must be in trouble.  The Nuns had finally submitted their report, and the Pope had come to mete out my punishment.  Gulp!

The Partying Pontiff, so named for his love of throwing lavish parties to celebrate the Holidays, waved for me to approach.  A member of his entourage then stepped forward with a golden chalice.  Another member removed the lid.

The Pope dipped his thumb into the chalice and made a cross on my forehead as he said something in Latin.

“Now it is officially Ash Wednesday at The House on the Hill!” the leader of the Catholic Church said with a smile before giving me a hug.  “Finally, I get to visit this home that I’ve read so much about on your blog.  Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Where were my manners?  I unlocked the door and invited Pope Francis to enter my home.   I gave him a quick tour of the downstairs, and Banky, my notoriously shy black cat, even appeared and was given a Papal Blessing and a pat on the head.

“Not to be pushy,” the Pope said once Banky had scampered off, “but can I get a Snapple and meet your Gargoyle?”

Next thing I knew, we were up on the roof, sipping Snapple, and chatting with Gary.  My loyal Gargoyle offered to take Pope Francis for a ride around the neighborhood, but the Holy Father politely declined.  “My keepers, who are too afraid to even step out onto the roof, would not like it if I were to go for a flight on the back of what they would consider to be a stone demon.  No offense, my friend.”

Gary swooped down onto the front porch so that he could receive his ashes, and word quickly spread that the Pope was at The House on the Hill.   Soon he was giving ashes to many of my Otherworldly Friends… Seamus, Waltzing Matilda, Volcanica Ivy, Ti-Diana, Mayor McCheese, and Zeus, just to name a few.

Thankfully, the Devil and all the local Zombies decided to steer clear of the place.

Pope Francis reminded us that Ash Wednesday symbolized the beginning of Lent, and that we were all supposed to give up something for the next 40 days.

easter-bunny-2Of course, Lent makes me think about Easter and Easter Candy, but I did give the Holy Father my word that I would give up being fat and lazy for Lent.  He seemed pleased with this decision.

What about you, Modern Philosophers?  What are you going to give up for Lent?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Surprise Papal Visit Leads To Dirty Forehead And Easter Candy Cravings

  1. El Guapo says:

    I can’t believe you had the Pope there and didn’t ask him the one question on everyones minds: What does he wear under that robe?

  2. Agellius says:

    I too am giving up being fat and lazy. It’s good to have this annual “spiritual training camp” to make me realize how soft I’ve become! : )

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