I Advise You To Spring Ahead And Buy An Alarm Clock

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

I hope you get this email and choose to respond to it today because this is literally a time sensitive issue!

I woke up this morning, checked the time on my cell phone, and decided to go back to sleep.

Well, when I finally woke up, got out of bed, and checked my email, I noticed that the time on my laptop was an hour later than the time on my cell phone.  I rushed down to the living room, and discovered that the time on the cable box was also an hour later than the time on my cell phone.

I’m pretty sure that my cell phone didn’t register the time change for “springing ahead”, but how can I be sure that my computer and cable aren’t wrong?  I don’t have any clocks in the house and I don’t have a watch, so what the hell time is it?

Please help as I feel like I am…

Trapped In A Tear In The Space/Time Continuum

Robot 2Dear Trapped,

I blame myself for your confusion.  Clearly, it has been too long since I’ve lectured my readers about their dependency on technology and how this paves the way for The Robot Apocalypse.

I’m stunned The Machines haven’t enslaved us all by now to be perfectly honest.

I also sleep with my cell phone next to the bed and check it for the time since the light up display is so easy to read in the middle of the night.

However, I also keep an old school, battery operated alarm clock on the nightstand.  I rely on that device to wake me up every morning.  If my life depended on it, I would look to my alarm clock for the time, rather than to the alarm clock, because I know that Robot High Command cannot mess with the former.

So I advise you to spring ahead and buy an alarm clock.  Stop looking to computer driven technology to give your life a sense of order.  Buy a watch that you have to wind every twenty-four hours.  Get a sundial, or learn to tell the time simply by checking the position of the Sun in the sky.

Don’t be so obsessed with time.  You’ve only got a limited amount of it, so just use it how you see fit.  Show up for work when you feel like it, eat your meals when your stomach tells you it’s hungry, and arrive at your doctor’s appointment when you want to be seen.

Time is on my side.  Yes, it is.  Let it be on your side, too.


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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8 Responses to I Advise You To Spring Ahead And Buy An Alarm Clock

  1. floridaborne says:

    Except for the cellphone (which is always off), the computer, and a battery powered alarm clock, there are no other clocks in this house. When they died, I didn’t replace them. Did I mention how much I despise daylight slavings time….today?

    • Austin says:

      So your house is like a casino then? 🙂

      • floridaborne says:

        I do have a wind up alarm clock. The last time I saw it, there was so much dust I thought it was gray instead of white. Sun dials might not be a bad idea–if it wasn’t so hard to keep the cats off them. I don’t gamble on the time to get up for work, since I’m self-employed and everyone knows that I’ll get there when I get there (usually when expected but not always).

        I do what I can to prepare for the every-6-month fubar of my time, but still reserve the right to despise it. 🙂

  2. Oh Mr. Modern Philosopher, who has been stealing all our hours?? I want mine back! http://bellemorgen.wordpress.com/2014/03/09/id-like-to-report-a-crime/

  3. idiotprufs says:

    And I was laughed at when installed the sundial.

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