As I revealed to you on the blog last year, the Easter Bunny spends a lot of time in Maine because a majority of the items he needs for Easter Baskets are made here.
My good friend Ti-Diana is the Witch responsible for providing the Easter Bunny with most of his colorful eggs. The baskets themselves are built all over the country, but Mainers make the best ones of the bunch. The special grass used to line the baskets is also grown on several farms in Maine.
When agents from the Drug Enforcement Agency wanted to have a conversation with the Easter Bunny earlier in the week, I allowed him to use The House on the Hill. I was going to be at work anyway, and this way, it would help keep the secret of where the Easter Bunny spends his time as he prepares for the Holiday.
Because that meeting happened here, this Modern Philosopher was able to receive a first hand account of what was discussed from Peter Cottontail himself.
We drank Snapple and sampled a variety of Easter candies as we talked. “The DEA wanted my assurance that I would not be using grass from Colorado or Washington in my Easter baskets. Can you believe the audacity?”
To be honest, it made sense. Now that marijuana was legal in those states, purchasing large quantities of grass could be an entirely different experience. Especially when you factor in that my friend called it his “Special Grass”.
“I call it Special Grass because of all the different colors, Austin,” he reminded me with a chuckle as he munched on a marshmallow peep. “It’s ludicrous that the DEA thinks I would line my Easter Baskets with pot. First off, I’m not that rich. Secondly, these baskets are going to kids. I’d never do anything like that.”
Clearly, my guest was hopping mad over his meeting, and I didn’t blame him. Would they have asked for a similar meeting with Santa Claus to tell him how to manufacture his toys? Would they tell the Tooth Fairy what to do with the teeth he collected?
“I feel like I’m being stereotyped,” he complained as he munched on a handful of jelly beans. “I’ve got the colorful, tie dyed eggs, baskets filled with treats, which are perfect for people with the munchies, and special grass. The DEA thinks I’m a drug lord.”
We both got a good laugh out of that, but at the same time, we realized that there might be some truth to the theory.
So what is the Easter Bunny going to do about it? “I gave my word that I would not purchase grass from those states, but I didn’t promise anything about not planting fake joints in the baskets I deliver to the children of every DEA agent in the country. That should make for a very special Easter Sunday, while also reminding those government goons not to mess with the Easter Bunny!”
If you’re reading this, DEA officials, I think you’ve just made yourself a very powerful enemy. You might want to rectify that situation quickly, as an angry Otherworldly Being is a worse adversary than any cartel out there…