Let Your Gargoyle Be Your Bartender

Bar“I’ve always had this theory that Gargoyles would make the amazing bartenders,” I stated as I made my way across the roof of The House on the Hill.

Gary, my loyal Gargoyle, sat on his usual perch and waited for me to find a safe spot next to him before he answered.  “I hate to break it to you then, but I have absolutely no idea how to mix a drink.  Sure, if the bar only served beer or easy drinks like gin & tonic, I might be able to pull it off.  The first time a customer asked for a Long Island Iced Tea, though, I’d fly the heck out of there.”

We both laughed and stared up at the stars.  It was a beautiful, clear Maine night, and even though there was still a chill in the air, it was obvious that Spring was on its way.

“I meant because Gargoyles are such good listeners,” I explained.  “In my mind, I pictured myself nursing a Snapple while you wiped down glasses with a checkered towel and listened to me tell you my troubles.”

I’m sure Gary knew the second he heard the creak of the attic stairs that I had something on my mind, but he played along.  “Welcome to Gary’s Up On The Roof, the bar with the best view in Maine.  What’s your poison?”

“It’s been a rough week, so something strong,” I muttered and then looked down at the quiet street.  There was rarely ever any traffic and tonight, there was no other sign of life.  We had the night to ourselves.

Gargoyle night“I kept expecting the phone to ring,” Gary told me and then reached out to pat me on the shoulder.

Gargoyles have amazing hearing, so Gary can hear every breathe I take as well as every phone conversation inside The House on the Hill.

“She texted and emailed a ton to tell me how proud she was of me, but I also thought she’d be so excited that she would call,” I admitted and hung my head.  “If she hadn’t moved away, we would’ve been celebrating the good news all week.”

“And I would’ve gone on long flights to give you some privacy,” Gary replied, which made me blush.  “I know how important she is and how much you miss her.  She’s the only woman you’ve ever brought up here to meet me.  I understand that her moving away and taking her heart along with her has made your life seem so empty and lonely…”

I could not disagree with Gary’s assessment.  “Just liked I said,” I whispered softly.  “You’d make a perfect bartender.”

“We both know if she were still in Maine she would’ve been sitting next to you at the taping on Wednesday, squeezing your hand tightly every time Danny told one of your jokes, and then sneaking off to a dark corner to make out with you to celebrate,” Gary assured me.  “She moved away to chase after her dream, though, and you encouraged her to do it.  I bet she wishes you were there to kiss her, hold her hand, and tell her you love her every time she aces another one of her exams.”

Gary was right.  We were both chasing our dreams.  Unfortunately, her dream had taken her to another time zone and consumed almost every minute of her day.

“I just miss her so much, and these achievements mean nothing without her here to celebrate them with me,” I whined like a spoiled child.

Gary let the silence of the April night answer me at first.  Once I had cooled down from my little tantrum, he shared his words of wisdom.  “The achievements should mean even more to you, Austin, because you are accomplishing them without your Muse at your side, holding your hand every step of the way.  That’s why she’s so damn proud of you.”

“How do you know she’s proud of me?” I asked as I fought to keep the tears that were welling up in my eyes from escaping onto my cheeks.

“I don’t just sit here all day while you’re at work,” Gary explained as he politely turned away to allow me to wipe my eyes.  “I stretch my wings and see where the afternoon takes me.  I often end up at a certain school outside the classroom of a certain girl.  Did you know she has this cute habit of reading your texts and emails aloud under her breath?  And that she then answers them out loud before typing her reply?”

heart handsI had no idea that Gary checked up on The Girl Who Goes To School So Far Away or that she read and answered my messages aloud.  “That’s adorable.”

“It is,” he agreed.  “She’s extremely proud of you and wishes she were here to share your success.”

“I really needed that, Gary.  Thank you.  You know what?  The next round’s on me!”

We both laughed.  The love of my life might’ve moved away and taken my heart with her, but I wasn’t alone in the world.  I had the world’s coolest Gargoyle up on my roof, and tomorrow, I’m going to show him my appreciation by buying him a bartender’s bible…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Let Your Gargoyle Be Your Bartender

  1. markbialczak says:

    Very good session of truth-by-Gargoyle, Austin.

    Pride crosses the miles, both ways.

  2. inigo rey says:

    You are funnier than I am, but I don’t hate you for it. I’ll take a laugh anywhere I can get away with it.


  3. Aww, this made me well up a little 😦

    • Austin says:

      Well, the Gargoyle posts are often written by the Hopeless Romantic. If you recall, the original posts was about how hard it was for a Gargoyle to be in love with a Mermaid, so I just feel like Gary gets my problem…

      • In true hopeless romantic style…I hope you get your happy ending. As well as Gary the mermaid-loving Gargoyle! If I ever meet a mermaid (It’s unlikley, but it could happen!) i’ll send one your way! I don’t like the thought of you guys being all alone 😦

      • Austin says:

        I’ve had my suspicions that you might be a mermaid, hence your interest in Gary. Am I totally off the mark there???

      • Sorry to disappoint…but I am no mermaid. I could always purchase a tail and a shell-bra, and pretend to be one? Fortunately I am fluent in mermaidian, so I might just pull it off.

      • Austin says:

        That might be a wonderful look on you. You can wear it to the blog’s Halloween Party this fall… 🙂

      • Brilliant, it might take me until fall to swim over to your neck of the woods. I’ll set off now, shall I?

      • Austin says:

        So silly. I could send Gary, the Flying Monkeys, a UFO, or one of my Witch friends to pick you up. You weren’t around last summer when I wrote the blog post about getting flying lessons, so I might just come on a broom and fetch you myself!

      • Well, I’ve always wanted to fly in an UFO (it’s on my bucket list!) so, could you pick me up in your UFO? I’ll be on the beach, dancing my mermaid dance…which is pretty difficult with a tail, but I think you’ll be impressed! May I bring my friend Sebastian?

      • Austin says:

        Sure, the more the merrier. Parties at The House on the Hill are quite magical… 🙂

      • I can imagine! I’ll put it in my diary 🙂 and I’ll tell old Sabby the Crabby not to pinch any party goers! He has a habit of nipping peoples toes – I can’t take him anywhere! Anyway…I’ll let you get on with your work. The toga princess needs her beauty sleep. Thanks for the bedtime read – although a little sad, it was a good read! Night!

      • Austin says:

        Good night! I might now have to adapt Gary the Gargoyle’s tale to be a children’s book. Thanks for the idea!

      • 🙂 happy to help!

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