I’m still more asleep than awake, so I thought it would be the perfect time to write my Jump Start article. I just had this crazy dream that I was back in Brooklyn, trying to dig out my Mustang from under a blizzard.
Do you ever become self aware in dreams? That always freaks me out. In my dream, I finally realized that I didn’t own my Mustang when I lived in Brooklyn, that I now lived in Maine, and that it was May so there shouldn’t be snow.
That shocked me not only out of my dream, but also right out of sleep. Now I’m in that severely groggy state where my brain is trying to reboot from Dreamland, but it just doesn’t want to take. Time for a Jump Start. Who else needs to hook up their brain to 1000 volts of Deep Thoughts?
Do you think I need a haircut? Am I starting to look more Shaggy than Fred? If you passed me on the street, would you mumble, “Get a haircut, hippie!” under your breath?
How often do you get your hair cut? Do you stick to a regular schedule? Do you just go when you think about it? When do you know it’s just time?
Why is it that we fight for pay equality in the workplace, but no one seems to mind that women’s haircuts cost way more than men’s? Why are women’s haircuts so much more expensive? Is it because women actually care about style, while men just grunt and could care less what gets done to their hair? Should men care more? Should women care less?
Do you have a regular barber? Am I ridiculous in calling my guy a barber? What’s the difference between a barber and a hairstylist? Is it the barber pole? Who else thinks those are awesome? Don’t you want a barber pole for your house? Do you ever wonder if some barber students put themselves through barber college by flashing a little skin and dancing on that barber pole? Do you think a barber pole dancer makes way better tips than an actual barber?
If you have a regular barber/stylist, do you call that person by his or her name? Or are you like me in that you just give your hair expert a nickname? Do you have a Fat Dave like I do? Do you think your hair engineer would like or hate the nickname you have assigned to him or her?
Have you ever tried to get your barber to join you in a barbershop duet? What song would you like to harmonize if you could get that duet going? What would be the name of your group? Would you have straw hats and colorful vests?
How are you with small talk during a haircut? Do you feel like you have to force it because Fat Dave only asks about the weather, traffic, and the price of gas? Are you like me in that you’re willing to chat it up if you’re the only customer in the place, but then clam up if anyone else is around? What is that about?
Does your hair place spring for good magazine? What’s the music like? Is it the sort of place that gives you a shampoo, or are you expected to show up with clean hair? Why do they wash your hair before they cut it in some places? Are they saying they don’t trust the cleanliness of your hair? Are they implying that you don’t know how to properly shampoo your hair after all these years? What’s the deal?
Do you ever vary your tip based on the experience, or do you just give the same amount ever time? Did your Fat Dave piss you off by jacking up prices 20% on January 1? If so, have you purposely been putting off getting your next haircut to protest the new prices? Is that why I look so damn shaggy?
Who knew that going to get my hair cut could lead to so many questions? I think I’m going back to bed. I’m not ready to face Fat Dave and his high prices quite yet…