This is always a rough Holiday for me given that my Mom died when I was 3. My Dad remarried when I was 6, to a woman with whom I did not always see eye to eye, so Mother’s Day was a mix of confusion, sadness, anger, and my getting lost in my imagination as I tried to think of what my Mom must have been like.
Even as an adult, the day is a mixed bag. I haven’t spoken to the woman I refer to as my Evil Step Mother in over a decade. I’m not close to my family, so there really isn’t anyone to whom I can speak about my Mom.
So, when I started to get sad this morning, I went for a run. Just like I did when I was a kid, I got lost in my thoughts. I wondered how different my life would be if I had been raised by my Mother and she were still alive today. Was that therapist I saw during my divorce right when he said my relationships with women will always be complicated because I lost my Mom at such an early age? Am I really just a Motherless Boy as one coworker once referred to me?
With my mind so caught up in my thoughts, I completed my run without really being aware of it. I went somewhere between 3.25 and 3.5 miles, as I continue to creep towards 4 miles. This was my sixth run in the past nine days, and given that I don’t remember much about it, I’d say it went well.
It was such a beautiful day, that I was in no rush to go back inside The House on the Hill. I retreated to the front porch, pulled up a chair, and got lost in my thoughts of my Mom yet again, as I stared up at the beautiful blue Maine sky.
I was still listening to my MP3 player and I snapped out of my Deep Thoughts as the familiar opening notes of Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train” played in my ears.
Something about that song just gets to me, and it seemed just perfect for my state of mind. I ended up singing along to the entire tune with Dave Pirner. It’s a moving song with such beautiful lyrics, and I thought I’d share them with you, Modern Philosophers.
Hope you enjoy the song and have a wonderful Mother’s Day!