A spokesperson for the Calendar Commission has confirmed that Tuesday had a nervous breakdown and had to be rushed to a psychiatric hospital for treatment.
The day remains under observation at this hour, and it is unclear if Tuesday will return for its regular turn on the calendar next week.
To get us through today, the Calendar Commission quietly slid Wednesday into Tuesday’s place. Looks like Hump Day will be earning some overtime this week.
So what happened to Tuesday? Why did the day crack? Should we have seen this coming?
Officials at the Calendar Commission were not forthcoming (big surprise there…), so this Modern Philosopher had to turn to renowned calendar psychologist Dr. Mardi O’ Day to get some answers.
“It’s a classical case of Long Weekend Shell Shock,” Dr. O’ Day explained. “Tuesday is used to being the everyman day of the week. Nothing exciting ever really happens on a Tuesday unless Christmas or New Year’s Eve fall on it. It’s used to being the good guy. Everybody hates Monday, so they are so glad when it finally ends and good old Tuesday comes to the rescue.”
“Because of Memorial Day, however, Tuesday felt like a Monday. People were grumbling about how much they hated today and wished the long weekend hadn’t ended,” the good doctor continued. “Tuesday isn’t used to being the subject of hatred. It’s used to either being liked, or simply ignored. Today, it had the spotlight shined upon it, the reviews were ugly, and Tuesday’s delicate disposition could not handle it.”
It sounds like Tuesday has some serious psychological issues that need addressing. Is this something that can be fixed in one week?
Dr. O’ Day shook her had sadly. “Every case is different, but this isn’t the first time that Tuesday has revealed the cracks in its facade. Wasn’t it you who broke the news of the previous incident?”
She was correct. Who can forget how helpless we all felt last September when Tuesday ran away? If you haven’t read that post, here is a link: Runaway Tuesday
“We all love Tuesday, but I know that living in my shadow hasn’t exactly been easy. I can’t help that I’m such a huge personality,” Monday told me. “We’re all broken up, and I’ll be the first one into the room when the docs say my buddy is finally up for visitors.”
“If you ask me, Tuesday is a bit of a diva,” Thursday growled and rolled its eyes. “Yeah, it sucks being the spoiled meat in a Monday/Wednesday sandwich, but Tuesday milks that whole “woe is me” crap to get everyone’s sympathy. Look at how they’re all reacting now. Giving it the day off, sending it to some ritzy celebrity hospital to relax, forcing poor Wednesday to work a double shift. It makes me sick.”
“Every day of the week has its own personality, its own issues, and its own way of looking at its fellow days,” she advised as we flipped through a series of calendars together. “I wouldn’t want to diagnosis Tuesday without doing a formal evaluation first, but I would say that it suffers from anxiety and simply needs to learn to relax.”
Did you hear that, Tuesday? Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and let go off the angst.
Things are going to get better. We’re all rooting for you (well, maybe not Friday). Hang in there and come back when you’re ready.
When things get really dark, just remember how lucky you are to not be Monday!