Too Hot To Do Anything But Ramble…

DesertHeat1Happy Hump Day, Modern Philosophers.

It’s too hot to write anything that makes sense, and no one reads blogs anyway during the Summer, so I thought I’d just ramble for a few hundred words.

Gee, Austin, how is that any different from your other posts?”  Excellent comeback, whichever one of you yelled that out first!

Clearly, Maine is giving Global Warming a serious tryout.  It has been close to 90 degrees all week, and The House on the Hill is not air conditioned.  I’m voting that we don’t hire Global Warming, and just go back to the way things were.

While 90 degrees might seem like normal Summer weather to many of you, keep in mind that the average daily temperature in Maine is 35 degrees.  So we’re operating at almost triple the norm right now, and Mainers don’t know how to deal with heat.  We’re experts at handling the cold, but heat turns us into a sweaty pack of inappropriately dressed morons.  Trust me, you do not want to see what passes as Summer wardrobe up here.

I slept on the couch last night, which gave me a serious case of deja vu.  I kept expecting to hear the ex-wife banging things around upstairs in anger, and shouting down the stairs at me about whatever wrong I’d committed to have me banished to the couch.

kiss meYou know what?  Sleeping on the couch isn’t bad at all when you’re single.  It was nice and cool with the windows open, I didn’t have the empty half of the bed to remind me that I’m all alone, and it just felt damn rebellious.

Single guys, reclaim sleeping on the couch!  It’s not a punishment if you choose to do it on your own!  Trust me on this…

The rumble of thunder.  A storm is coming.  Finally.  Something to cool off this heat wave.  Maine was meant to be refrigerated, not baked to a golden brown.  We need some relief.

When the weather gets like this, I wish we really were Under The Dome.  As long as life inside was climate controlled.  I could also do without all the murder and the neurological craziness that goes on Under The Dome on my TV.

Since I’m a lonely, single guy living in a sweaty, gross world, the highlight of my night is going to be heating up leftover pizza, pouring a tall glass of Snapple, and watching whatever nonsense my DVR recorded for me this week.

Sure, I miss hearing the words “I love you” and feeling like someone in the world cares about me, but at least I’m not as lost as I used to be.

The thunder is getting louder, Modern Philosophers.  I think that’s my cue to wrap up the worst post I’ve ever written for this blog, and allow you some relief.

nunsI apologize for my lack of creativity, but I’m having a very rough week, and I’m surprised I was able to get this much written.

I’ll leave you with this photo of rebel Nuns trying to shoot out the windows in Heaven.  I wonder what that’s all about.

No one reads blogs in the Summer anyway…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

88 Responses to Too Hot To Do Anything But Ramble…

  1. jerryofcali says:

    Made my day…as I sit on my couch in front of the tube in California…where there’s a breeze and sun xD

  2. As I sit here alone while my family vacations in Easternmost Maine, it’s raining like hell. If the House On the Hill is not getting wet right now, it will in a few minutes.

    Two More Things:
    1) Ninety schminety.
    2) Since Mrs. Fearless Leader is away for a few days, I slept on the couch last night also.

  3. floridaborne says:

    Nuns with Guns? It has to be hot under all those clothes. I live in Florida and Love the heat. I always know when it’s too hot for the rest of the world. When I’m in shorts sleeves in an office, everyone else is sweltering. You’re better off taking back the couch, sleeping in the basement, and using a sparsely populated mall as a running track. ::-)

  4. hollie says:

    Have wine in place of snapple…that will for sure help you beat the heat!

  5. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

  6. List of X says:

    Sorry, it’s too hot to comment properly. 🙂

  7. Cheery ho there Modern Man –
    Sorry you are alone, but I don’t believe your lonely – there’s a difference. You seem the type to be able – better than many others – to entertain yourself with some self-scrabble or deep-rooted poetry. I hope the world and of course, Maine, cools off. Perhaps if we all stop breathing so much hot air, the climate would drop 2% and get us back on track for dying when the sun dwarfs instead of doing ourselves in ahead of schedule. Oops, sorry I was trying to cheer you up. I’ll read your blog over the summer – how’s that!…:-)
    AnnMarie 🙂

  8. Agellius says:

    “We’re experts at handling the cold, but heat turns us into a sweaty pack of inappropriately dressed morons.”


  9. grannyK says:

    It’s 100 here right now and looks like a thunder storm might be brewing. Good times!

  10. The world must be burning up if nuns can be found with guns. This could be serious and not pretty at all. Do you know how hot THEY are in those black outfits?

  11. It’s 3:37 a.m. here in Texas and I’m reading blogs. 90 degrees, no matter where you are is HOT and I feel for you, no AC is brutal!! I’m sorry for your bad week. Hang in there, it’s got to get better 😕

  12. Rebekah says:

    I read. Maybe just because I am new at blogging and it hasn’t lost it’s fun factor yet. I thought it was funny. It reminds me of summer in Germany. Some people wear black long sleaves and pants while riding a bike at noon an the hottest day of the year. it is no wonder that people die of heat strocks each summer, even though it nevergets over 100 and the actuallly hot days can be counted on fingers and toes. By the way thanks for all the help on Twitter. This blogging, facebook, tweet stuff is just too much.

    • Austin says:

      I was just in a really bad mood last night, and chose to blame it on the heat.

      I’ve been happy to help. It’s fun tweeting at you. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        I agree, it is fun. Although I don’t feel cut out for twitter. It is like a big chat room, except everyone is chatting to his/her self. It’s like facebook without the friends and long comments. People who don’t konw what to say just retweet others and fill up my whole home page. I’m not giving up though. It is probably like learning anything new, confusing and a bit scary at first. I’m going to at least give it and myself a chance.

        See you there.

      • Austin says:

        Sure, your Twitter feed is always going to be filled with the odd comments of strangers, but at least they can’t be longer than 140 characters. 🙂

        I find it a great way to test out jokes for the TV show I help write. Plus, I get to chat with nice people like you. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        I can see how twitter could be a good place to test a joke. About the 140 characters, some people just write them over and over and over. eergg. Do people get sent a message when I stop follow them?

      • Austin says:

        No, they do not. They will just see they have one less follower. I wouldn’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Unless, of course, I’m the one you plan to unfollow!

      • Rebekah says:

        Don’t be ridiculous. You’re the nicest tweeter out there. I’m talking about people I started following, because I liked there page and thought we might have something in commen, only to find out that they fill up the feed with hundreds of tweets form other people and ofter use profanity or write things that make me fell sick to my stomach.

      • Austin says:

        Then by all means, unfollow. I do it all the time, Rebekah.

        Thanks for the kind words. You made me smile and even blush a little… 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Blush…:) Someday you will have to tell me the story behind the picture you post as yourself. I get it ‘professor’ but why not the real picture? Or do you want me to believe that that is you?

      • Austin says:

        It’s Doc Brown from Back to the Future! He is my idol, and he funds the blog with generous donations. 🙂

        I occasionally allow a real photo of me to show up in a blog post. You just have to keep your eyes open for those… 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Are you serious about him funding your blog? That sounds awsome.

        Will do! 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Perhaps I’m just not as pretty as you, so I don’t feel confident sharing my photo. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Now I’m blushing… 🙂 People only put up thier best side on the internet anyways. You can’t believe everything you see. Those are resent pictures of me, but it is just a close up of my face. Wow! right?

      • Austin says:

        Glad my words could put a little color in your cheeks. 🙂

        I prefer people to focus on my words. They can look at Doc Brown all they want, just as long as they read the blog post. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        That is what I ment, when I wrtoe, ”Not that it matters” in refrence to your picture. 🙂

        I feel like we should be tweeting this. I’m starting to realize what twitter is for.

      • Austin says:

        There you go. Or you cold just email me… 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        No that it matters 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Everything matters, my friend. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Hm. If you say so. Doesn’t sound like you’re worried.

        Your blog post probably has about 100 comments now, just because we keep rambling on and on. I’m sure that looks good on your stats.

        I’ve heard about poeple being paid for their blogging, but never quit figured out how that works. I’m not searching exactly, just wanting to learn more.

      • Austin says:

        Yes, we have had a long chat here on this post. 🙂

        You could run ads on you blog. I know others who do it. I just keep waiting for people to mail me money because they enjoy my blog so much. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        How do I do that, run ads?

        You’re very funny. Money money. 🙂 I’m being Dr. Seuss again. It is no wonder that you write jokes for a living (among other things).

        It is perfect blend of reality and fun. Not over the top just witty. Are you blushing again? 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Yes, I am. 🙂

        There’s a link somewhere on the site about running ads. You might find out by clicking on an ad you find on the bottom of another blog’s page.

        I don’t think you make much money for doing it, though…

      • Rebekah says:

        Sounds interesting, Is running an ad something others tend to look down upon?

        There is this really cool guy, that allows you to put links, or something like that, to his blog. If that person buys one of his books than you get a small amount of money. I’ve never bought his books but they look nice. He was the one who inspired me to start blogging in the first place.

        Should we stop filling up your post with things that have nothing to do with it. I’ll get on twitter if that’s better for you.

        I’m correcting all the mistakes in my formar posts from Ten Years in Germany. That is why I’m here, responding so quickly.

      • Austin says:

        And here I thought you were responding so quickly because you like talking to me. 🙂

        I don’t know how others feel about bloggers who run ads. That’s a question you could tweet. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Alright! I’ll do it.

        I do like talking to you to you. Otherwise I would have stopped a long time ago. 🙂

        E-mail? That takes even longer. But I’m not against it. 🙂

        Are you one of these multy taskers who can work on something, tweet and respond to blog comments all at the some time. I’ve been stuck on Chapter 10 for the past ten minutes because we keep going at it. 🙂

        I’m getting on twitter. I’m starting to feel bad about chatting with you this much on your post.

      • Austin says:

        Yes, I can multi-task.

        You might want to brush up on your American slang. “We keep going at it” means a little something different here, and it would explain why you’re so distracted! 😉

      • Rebekah says:

        I almost wrote, ”no pun intended” after that comment. But I figured you would know what I mean. My slang is fine. I’m an american citizen. Grew up there.

      • Austin says:

        I know, but I had to tease you about that one. 🙂

      • Austin says:

        You made it worse, of course, so you’re really to blame for this, young lady! 🙂

        For a really crappy blog post, this one has gotten a lot of comments from Germany. I might be popular with Germans. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        That would be funny. Maybe we could take turns filling up each others posts with silly comments. 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Perhaps we should. I’d be happy to help on your posts…

      • Rebekah says:

        Thanks buddy!

      • Austin says:

        I did start a chat there, and judging by the next comment in my in box, you replied. 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Always nice to see your smiling profile pic in my inbox. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        I knew you would manage to reply to only a 🙂
        Do you always have to have the last word?

      • Austin says:



        To be honest, I fear being accused of being rude if I don’t reply to every comment on my blog.

        I could start ignoring yours if you wish… 😛

      • Rebekah says:

        Is that really what you want, Austin?

      • Austin says:

        I just want a big bowl of ice cream and a beautiful day on which to enjoy it.

        That’s what I want, Rebekah. 🙂

      • Rebekah says:

        Ok, I’ll let you have the last word. I just have to say, have a nice day, go sit by the bay, don’t eat bug spray.

  13. Pingback: Flying Saucers Over My House | Mohawk Valley Girl

  14. tisfortea says:

    I can’t bear the highs of 20 degrees here in Britain, so commend you for managing the temperatures in Maine!

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