Twice The Rejects, Triple The Fun!

RejectionHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!  Hope you are having a wonderful weekend.

Last night, two new episodes of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman were televised in Maine.  The reason for this historic double shot was because the network accidentally aired a rerun last week.

With two shows on the airwaves, there were twice as many monologue jokes written by your favorite Modern Philosopher on the TV for your comedy pleasure.

As always, there were jokes that didn’t make the cut, and I am going to share some of them with you now.  May I present The Rejects…

The annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was held yesterday on Coney Island.  As always, the real winners were anyone who chose to not watch the event…

Hope everyone had a happy and safe Independence Day. Governor LePage visited numerous holiday barbecues, and when asked if he was out campaigning, the Governor downed another hot dog, wiped the mustard from his face with the back of his hand, and replied, “Ummm, yeah, campaigning.  That’s why I’m here…” as he muffled a burp.

nite logoOn Independence Day, we celebrate our independence from England.  If our forefathers hadn’t won the Revolutionary War, we’d probably be driving on the left hand side of the road.  Ironically, that was what everyone in the Penobscot County Jail Drunk Tank was arrested for doing last night…

Snoop Dogg is performing in Portland next week.  Snack bars at the venue hope to break the all-time sales record for a Maine concert, which was set just two weeks ago when Willie Nelson performed in Bangor…

Yesterday was the Fourth of July.  If you still have all your fingers, that means you were extremely careful when lighting fireworks, and you kept clear of Governor LePage while he was eating all that barbecue…

On this date in 1983, the New Jersey Devils purchased the Maine Mariners as their farm team.  Man, that team sure has gone to Hell ever since…

Hope some of those made you laugh.  The fourth show from the last taping won’t air until the first week of September, so this will be the last of The Rejects for two months.

Nite ShowIf you live in Maine, I hope you watch The Nite Show when it airs on Saturdays.  Even if you don’t live in Maine, you can support the show by liking its Facebook page, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

Thank you all for supporting me in my quest to write the funniest monologue jokes for the top rated late night show in Maine!  Thanks to Danny Cashman for the opportunity!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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9 Responses to Twice The Rejects, Triple The Fun!

  1. D. Parker says:

    Loved the drunks driving on the left…Congrats on getting 2x your jokes on…

  2. markbialczak says:

    We downstaters can’t avoid the Nathan’s hot dog spectacle, Austin, but Danny obviously opted out.

    I liked the gov’ner wiping the mustard from the back of his hands …

    The Maine network aired a repeat by mistake? Somehow I could imagine channels 5, 9 or 11 doing that in my olden days back home. You know?

    I hope a lot of your jokes made the two monologues. Onward to September, but not too quickly, sir.

    • Austin says:

      ESPN aired the hot dog eating contest right before the Yankees game, but I made sure to steer clear.

      Yeah, WABI aired the previous week’s show again. Not sure whose fault it was. I’m just a writer. 🙂

  3. Hello, Austin! Due to the month of June, which will henceforth forever be boycotted by my family, I would like to ask you to be my next Guest Blogger and would like to reblog this post. If granted permission, I will dutifully follow all rules expressed in your copyright statement. I would also like to reblog FIFA Eliminates Goalkeepers in Attempt to make Soccer Interesting, with you, again, named as my Guest Blogger.

    Looking forward to hearing a “yay,” or “nay” from you soon.

  4. Reblogged this on Leslie Jo Chase and commented:
    The winner of today’s “Guest Blogger Sweepstakes” is Austin Hodgens, creator of The Return of the Modern Philosopher, Deep Thoughts From the Shallow End of the Pool.

    Austin is also a screenwriter, and monologue joke writer for The Nite Show With Danny Cashman, the top-rated late night show in Maine.

    Please follow, “like,” and comment on blogs I share, if you don’t mind, while I take a break (here and there) to go on a quest to find my “funny” again.

    Some of you might be aware that today is usually “Fro-back Friday,” but we’re going waaaaay back in time to last Sunday, July 6th for this gem from Austin.

    Thank you!


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