Is That Bear In The Parking Lot Here For A Job Or Just Jacking Cars???

black bear fishYou know you’re far from the big city in which you were raised, Modern Philosophers, when your inbox at work lights up with an email entitled simply “Bear”.

Our supervisor was making us aware that a black bear had just been roaming around the parking lot, and that the big guy had even stopped to lounger near the picnic tables.

Had she not said it was a black bear, I would have assumed that Yogi Bear had stopped by the office to scope out picnic baskets.

The email went on to advise us that the Game Wardens had been called, and advised us to be careful when walking out to our cars.

As luck would have it, today of all days, I had chosen to leave several pots of honey uncovered inside of Zombie Car.  I was pretty sure I could not only kiss those bad boys goodbye, but also expect to find that Smokey had driven off with my vehicle, leaving me to figure out a way to get home.

Of course, I’m just joking about the honey in my car, but there really was a black bear in the parking lot today.

One of my coworkers, a blonde female, who must suffer from a Goldilocks complex, decided to go out in search of the bear.  Now I know that I’ll always be a New Yorker at heart, but I’m thinking I don’t ever want to be a true Mainer if that means having the urge to go off in search of a beast that could gut me in ways that would impress Wolverine.

black bear loungeLuckily, Goldilocks returned unscathed.  I guess she realized that her desk and current vital signs were “just right”.

The creative side of my brain was curious as to why this amazing animal had decided to hang out in our parking lot.

I wondered if the economy was so rough that bears had to seek out employment outside of the regular bear market.

Maybe he was looking to jack a car, or boost a few stereos to make a quick buck.

Perhaps the bear had come to settle a score.  I know some of my coworkers like to hunt, so maybe the big guy had tracked down the person who had killed a member of his family, and had come to exact revenge.

The sports teams at the University of Maine are called the Black Bears, so there’s a chance he was just trying to generate some team spirit with the football season on the horizon.

yogi bearAll I know for sure is that none of the cars were stolen or broken into, no one reported any missing picnic baskets, and I could no longer refer to this Monday as unbearable.

It just goes to show you that you can think a day is going to play out a certain way, and it can end up leaving you Googling “How to survive a bear attack/carjacking”…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Is That Bear In The Parking Lot Here For A Job Or Just Jacking Cars???

  1. D. Parker says:

    Smarter than the average…

  2. I laughed so hard when I reached the “unbearable” in your 2nd to last paragraph – ha! I would not go out in search of a black bear either – leave it alone and it will probably leave you alone. Mr. Craves has a coyote pack that comes through his work parking lot and the male is well fed and good size. One of his co-workers thought it was a husky or a type of dog like that breed – do not want to mess with Wiley either. I needed a little humor and exciting news to make my Monday more bearable 🙂

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad I could give you a laugh. I’m not going to mess with a bear, and I hope bears are smart enough to never miss with a guy from Brooklyn. 🙂

  3. ksbeth says:

    and i thought it was bad when we had a ‘coyote alert’ at school.

  4. Your black bear and my having to break into my own apartment because a “nonoperating” lock actually worked! These days we live in! 🙂

  5. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

  6. floridaborne says:

    If you’d said “Grizzly Bear” that would be one thing, but black bears are shy. They don’t look for a fight. I’m glad you decided to grin and bear it. 🙂

  7. yoppla says:

    Reblogged this on Blogibuzz and commented:
    top la photo 🙂

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