Is That Bear In The Parking Lot Here For A Job Or Just Jacking Cars???

You know you’re far from the big city in which you were raised, Modern Philosophers, when your inbox at work lights up with an email entitled simply “Bear”.

Our supervisor was making us aware that a black bear had just been roaming around the parking lot, and that the big guy had even stopped to lounger near the picnic tables.

Had she not said it was a black bear, I would have assumed that Yogi Bear had stopped by the office to scope out picnic baskets.

The email went on to advise us that the Game Wardens had been called, and advised us to be careful when walking out to our cars.

As luck would have it, today of all days, I had chosen to leave several pots of honey uncovered inside of Zombie Car.  I was pretty sure I could not only kiss those bad boys goodbye, but also expect to find that Smokey had driven off with my vehicle, leaving me to figure out a way to get home.

Of course, I’m just joking about the honey in my car, but there really was a black bear in the parking lot today.

One of my coworkers, a blonde female, who must suffer from a Goldilocks complex, decided to go out in search of the bear.  Now I know that I’ll always be a New Yorker at heart, but I’m thinking I don’t ever want to be a true Mainer if that means having the urge to go off in search of a beast that could gut me in ways that would impress Wolverine.

Luckily, Goldilocks returned unscathed.  I guess she realized that her desk and current vital signs were “just right”.

The creative side of my brain was curious as to why this amazing animal had decided to hang out in our parking lot.

I wondered if the economy was so rough that bears had to seek out employment outside of the regular bear market.

Maybe he was looking to jack a car, or boost a few stereos to make a quick buck.

Perhaps the bear had come to settle a score.  I know some of my coworkers like to hunt, so maybe the big guy had tracked down the person who had killed a member of his family, and had come to exact revenge.

The sports teams at the University of Maine are called the Black Bears, so there’s a chance he was just trying to generate some team spirit with the football season on the horizon.

All I know for sure is that none of the cars were stolen or broken into, no one reported any missing picnic baskets, and I could no longer refer to this Monday as unbearable.

It just goes to show you that you can think a day is going to play out a certain way, and it can end up leaving you Googling “How to survive a bear attack/carjacking”…