It’s TorChair

chairIt’s bad enough

That I have

To be

Chained to

My desk

Forty hours

A week.

Now it

Turns out

That my

Office chair

Is trying

To cripple me.

Lower back pain,

Tingling feet,

And headaches.

I spend

Half the day



And readjusting.


Getting up

To walk

And stretch

My back.

I’d be

Better off

Sitting on

A sack

Of potatoes.

Why can’t

I just

Suffer in

Peace at

My desk?

Why must

I suffer

In pain?

I refuse

To take this

Sitting down

Because when

I do,

It’s literally

A pain

In the butt.

I won’t

Stand for this,

And yet

I must stand

To avoid

The pain.

It’s torchair!





About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to It’s TorChair

  1. Oh, I get it: tor-ture. For a minute there, I thought this was going to be some sort of MST3K/office mashup. Kinda disappointed.

  2. hollie says:

    That office chair looks exactly like the one that…uh, nevermind, family friendly blog. 🙂 I, too, suffer in my work chair and end up spending my evenings sprawling out on my couch overcompensating for the pain in my hip and back.

  3. The Guat says:

    TorChair … Ha! That cracked me up! Office chair trying to cripple me duuuuuuuude I know how that feels and I know that you are in pain but this made me laugh. Hope you’re feeling better and thanks for making me smile.

  4. sourgirlohio says:

    Oh, my chair at work is a nightmare, too. Try switching it with someone else’s chair. Good luck.

  5. Loved your poem and plays on words; sorry you’re in pain.

  6. I agree with Leslie’s post – all three. Last year I learned I had sciatica. It hurts like a bitch. I feared sitting at work and it was extremely distracting. For me, the answer was a standing workstation. Now I am a person with MS that has to stand on her feet all day.

    • Austin says:

      Some of my coworkers have stand up desks, but apparently they are expensive, so the company won’t buy them unless there is documented proof that the employee needs one…

  7. Mine too! I feel your pain.

  8. Modern Philosopher! The Disgruntler switched to a standing desk about 8 months ago and she a bone fide convert! She wants you to feel the hallelujah that it is to stand instead of sit all day. Also note she lost 5 lbs in the first week as well, this is good. Stand for something!

  9. markbialczak says:

    Hate your pain, love your headline, Austin.

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  12. emtag2 says:

    This is the story of my life. You have summed up my devil office chair perfectly.

  13. Egg-zac-tely! You’ve nailed it. 😀

  14. Marci says:

    You could always go with an exercise ball, a.k.a. Dwight’s “Fitness Orb”:

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