It’s bad enough
That I have
To be
Chained to
My desk
Forty hours
A week.
Now it
Turns out
That my
Office chair
Is trying
To cripple me.
Lower back pain,
Tingling feet,
And headaches.
I spend
Half the day
Squirming,
Adjusting,
And readjusting.
Constantly
Getting up
To walk
And stretch
My back.
I’d be
Better off
Sitting on
A sack
Of potatoes.
Why can’t
I just
Suffer in
Peace at
My desk?
Why must
I suffer
In pain?
I refuse
To take this
Sitting down
Because when
I do,
It’s literally
A pain
In the butt.
I won’t
Stand for this,
And yet
I must stand
To avoid
The pain.
It’s torchair!
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
Oh, I get it: tor-ture. For a minute there, I thought this was going to be some sort of MST3K/office mashup. Kinda disappointed.
Sorry that my dorky poem about back pain disappointed you. I won’t sleep well at all now…
Watch some MST3K. Add some vodka. The world will be right again soon.
🙂
That office chair looks exactly like the one that…uh, nevermind, family friendly blog. 🙂 I, too, suffer in my work chair and end up spending my evenings sprawling out on my couch overcompensating for the pain in my hip and back.
Why must we all suffer? Why can’t they just make comfrotable chairs for us?
One would think that a comfortable person might be able to be more productive and less likely to have workers compensation issues down the road!
Amen, sister! 🙂
TorChair … Ha! That cracked me up! Office chair trying to cripple me duuuuuuuude I know how that feels and I know that you are in pain but this made me laugh. Hope you’re feeling better and thanks for making me smile.
Thanks. 🙂
Oh, my chair at work is a nightmare, too. Try switching it with someone else’s chair. Good luck.
They got me this chair because I’m so tall, and it would supposedly be better support for my back…
Sounds like they missed the mark a bit. Maybe some pillows?
The ergo lady from HR was over yesterday to help me adjust it a bit. I told her we might to get one of those lumbar support pillows…
Loved your poem and plays on words; sorry you’re in pain.
Thanks on both counts. 🙂
I agree with Leslie’s post – all three. Last year I learned I had sciatica. It hurts like a bitch. I feared sitting at work and it was extremely distracting. For me, the answer was a standing workstation. Now I am a person with MS that has to stand on her feet all day.
Some of my coworkers have stand up desks, but apparently they are expensive, so the company won’t buy them unless there is documented proof that the employee needs one…
Mine too! I feel your pain.
🙂
Modern Philosopher! The Disgruntler switched to a standing desk about 8 months ago and she a bone fide convert! She wants you to feel the hallelujah that it is to stand instead of sit all day. Also note she lost 5 lbs in the first week as well, this is good. Stand for something!
The company says they are expensive, so they don’t like to spring for them…
Hate your pain, love your headline, Austin.
Thanks. Bracing my back for the return of the TorChair!
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This is the story of my life. You have summed up my devil office chair perfectly.
Thanks. I’ll send it to be used in all Office Chair Support Group Meetings! 🙂
Egg-zac-tely! You’ve nailed it. 😀
🙂
You could always go with an exercise ball, a.k.a. Dwight’s “Fitness Orb”: http://vimeo.com/21800285
Some of my coworkers do have such orbs at their desks. HR ordered me some cool looking lumbar support thing today, so I’m excited to try it…