Sigmund the Sea Monster Petitions Marine Biologists to be Reclassified as a Sea Creature

I thought I’d re-post this as poor Sigmund is still fighting all the red tape in his attempt to get reclassified. Won’t you please support him?

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

sigmund1Sigmund the Sea Monster, famous for the 1970s Saturday morning TV show loosely based upon his life, has petitioned the American Board of Marine Biologists to be reclassified as a Sea Creature.

While the TV show, produced by Sid & Marty Krofft, depicted Sigmund in a very positive light,  a recent survey of children aged 5-12 revealed that 90% of the participants either wept, screamed, or wet themselves upon being shown Sigmund’s picture and being told he was a sea monster.

“I heard about that survey, and I knew it was time to make a change,” Sigmund told this Modern Philosopher today in an interview down by the Penobscot River.  “This generation didn’t grow up watching that TV version of me, so they think I’m evil and something to be feared.  Do you know what’s it like going through life being branded as a monster?”

No, Sigmund, I do not. …

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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