Hoop Dreams

hula girlHappy Friday, Modern Philosophers!

I thought I’d start off your day with a smile by sharing a story from the workplace.  While it’s true that most of my work anecdotes are tales of stress and woe, this one should coax at least a giggle out of you.

Our keepers unchained us from our desks to participate in an activity for our Wellness Program.  They’ve got to keep us fit and healthy so we can work forever, you know.

Yesterday’s Wellness Adventure was a hula hooping class.  That’s right, your favorite Modern Philosopher was out in the parking lot, in his toga, moving his hips and making his hoop dreams a reality.

Of course, I didn’t completely lose my mind.  I refused to sign the waiver which would have allowed photos and videos to be taken of my hooping it up.  There was no way a future bid for the White House was going to be spoiled by footage of my gyrating amongst my coworkers.

To add a little more excitement to the activity (does hula hooping actually need to get any more exciting???), it was raining.  So, anyone driving past the office, would’ve seen a dozen weirdos shaking and moving in the pouring rain.  I wonder what those passersby thought of the sight.  They probably smiled and realized that their work life wasn’t as bad as they thought it to be.

hoopsI had a little trouble at first, which was a bit irksome.  I know I can hula hoop, as I’ve done it before.  However, the hoop would start at my hips and immediately seek shelter on the black top of the parking lot.  Over and over this happened.  Ugh!

Clearly, my hoop was broken.  Luckily, the instructor had brought many hoops from which to choose.  Somehow, I managed to pick a second clunker from the batch as well.  Me and my luck, I guess.

Finally, I settled on this enormous hoop that looked like something a lion would jump through at the circus.  Yeah, that was the one.

At last, I was able to keep the hoop moving.  Of course, they was no way I could do all the fancy moves the energetic woman was trying to teach us (who knew hula hooping had moves!), but I did give it a try.  However, any time I tried to clap, step to the side, or stomp my feet, the hoop would immediately abandon my hips for the safety of the rain soaked black top.

In the end, I decided I would just stick to Hula Hooping 101.  As the wind picked up and the rain pounded down, I simply moved my hips and did my best impression of Saturn with one ring.

It was fun to watch my young, thinner, prettier coworkers execute the moves being taught.  I had to laugh because we were all getting soaked even though there was a perfectly dry office just off in the distance.

hoop groupsI did manage to pull off one killer move, though.  Somehow, I got the hula hoop to  shoot up over my head and into the middle of the hula circle.

Hula hooping was a lot of fun, it was great exercise, and the whole endeavor proved that pretty much anything is more exciting than being chained to a desk all day…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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11 Responses to Hoop Dreams

  1. ctcrow says:

    I love hooping! It’s great for getting moving without needing to leave the house. I would be lost without my hoop!

  2. markbialczak says:

    Nothing quite like a Wellness exercise that has a 50-50 shot at leaving employees ill from hula-hooping in the pouring rain, Austin. Oh, right, the weekend is approaching. They’ll be sick on their own time. Everybody out on the soaked blacktop. Congratulations on your success at getting your man-sized hoop to shoot over your head and into the middle of the circle of hipsters!

  3. Cheapest workout evah! I can’t keep a hula hoop up either. ~(+_+)~~

  4. “There was no way a future bid for the White House was going to be spoiled by footage of my gyrating amongst my coworkers.”

    I hear that when you’re up there, you can sleep with prostitutes and lie with impunity. But yeah, hula hooping would definitely sink your career, so wise choice, wise choice.

  5. Dan Antion says:

    If our wellness program ever included a hula hooping class, I would take a vacation day to avoid it. This was fun to read, nice job.

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