Is This The Global Warming We Were Promised?

al goreI just went for a walk up to the local supermarket, Modern Philosophers.

It was a walk, that on the final weekend of September, made me so hot that I had to slip into the restroom to throw cold water on my face.  Luckily, I wore one of my Summer togas, and those are easy to rid of sweat stains.

The reason for this trip to Hannaford?  I was craving ice cream.  It’s September 27, I’m wearing shorts and a tee shirt, and it’s so warm outside that I need ice cream.  It’s 80 degrees in Maine just a few days before the calendar turns to October.

What is going on out there?  Is this the Global Warming Al Gore promised us so long ago?  Has it finally made its way to Maine, the long time frigid armpit of Snow Miser?

While you try to come up with the answers to those questions, let me rant about ice cream a little while…

What’s the deal with the Ice Cream Conspiracy?  I’ve been a good Modern Philosopher and have kept away from ice cream for a couple of months.  I figured I’d just get a pint of something to enjoy over the steamy weekend, which wouldn’t be that bad for my diet.

ice creamHowever, the pints of ice cream were not only way more expensive than the half gallons, but they were also much more calorically horrific (not sure if that’s an actual nutritional term, but I’m going for it!)

So it only made financial and dietary sense to buy more ice cream than I wanted.  As a result, I bought a half gallon of Hannaford Low Fat Chocolate Peanut Butter.  Yummo!

That decision out of the way, I rushed home so that my purchase would not melt in the unseasonable heat.  Of course, scooting back to The House on the Hill that quickly only got me all sweaty again.  I might just have to burn that toga.

Which brings us back to the question of why Maine is going through a heat wave this late in the year.  Al Gore has not claimed responsibility yet, so I can think of only one other option that makes sense…

The dome came down over Maine again while we were sleeping.  I just finished watching the Season Finale of Under The Dome, so that idea makes perfect sense.

If I am going to be trapped under the dome, JuliaI wouldn’t mind having to spend time with Julia Shumway.  There is plenty of room for her and her sexy red locks here at The House on the Hill.

I’m sure Julia and I could work together to figure out a way to save Maine from the dome, while also looking deeper into the obvious chemistry between us.

So given the option of Al Gore or Julia Shumway, I’ll take the dome life any day.  I’m just looking forward to enjoying my ice cream, and I’ll save a bowl for Julia.  Just in case…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Is This The Global Warming We Were Promised?

  1. floridaborne says:

    Where I live, it’s unseasonably cold. Climate change is a constant. It’s been happening for eons. A carbon tax isn’t going to persuade mother nature to change her ways.

  2. The evidence for human caused climate change is overwhelming. Which is why the oil industry spends so much money funding the deniers.

    But what you’re describing is the weather. Enjoy it while you can. As George R. R. Martin likes to say: Winter is Coming!

  3. idiotprufs says:

    You’d probably get stuck under the dome with Dean Norris.

  4. Austin, Julia does have pretty locks and a lovely name. Here’s hoping that she likes ice cream. If not, I’m guessing Al does. 🙂
    (Anyone willing to walk for ice cream deserves ice cream.)

  5. D. Parker says:

    Ice cream is always in season. 🙂

  6. It’s the Dome! 🙂 Apropos ‘global warming’ – an own goal, in which the main villain is coal – which, today, contributes 43 percent to annual greenhouse gas emissions. Plus side? We’ll still get ice-cream, for a while anyway. Here in NZ it was even possible to get beer flavoured ice cream. Seriously. ‘Speights Old Dark’. It’s a while since I’ve seen any, though.

  7. Ahhh – some of the reasons we all write: to continue to dream, write fiction and share our enjoyment of the simple things in life. Hahahaha – that extra bowl may just melt.

  8. I got some Peanut Butter with Snickers ice cream from Braums last night. Do they have Braums up in the Snow Miser’s armpit? It was calorically horrific but tasted terrific. If only there were Lucky Charms it could have been magically delicious….

  9. Perhaps ice cream is too yummy? The Ice Cream Conspiracy is out to get you hooked. It seems clear to me. Austin, it’s what “they” don’t want us to know. Another “Inconvenient Truth?” Should the government regulate ice cream “yumminess?”

  10. markbialczak says:

    The pints come from the boutique companies in the designer flavors, it seems. Ben and Jerrys, the guys one state over from you, for instance. Also, Austin, where did the Dixie Cup-sized ice creams of our youth go?

    • Austin says:

      I don’t know. I remember this summer, I was craving a chipwich. Do you remember those? Do you think it was possible to buy a single chipwich? Of course not. They only came in boxes of at least a dozen…

  11. Can’t do anything about the weather. The cold will come soon enough. Be careful with that ice cream. Sound delish.

  12. Maria Behar says:

    Well, I can certainly relate to your worries about ice cream. I need to put in an extra order of Pralines ‘N’ Cream. I’m sharing MY dome with Robert Pattinson. Who knew he loved my favorite ice cream flavor? Unfortunately, my dome is no protection from the heat…… : )

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