Like Zombies, The Rejects Shall Rise Again!

RejectionHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

Last night was the Season Premiere of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman, which means that today, I can share some of my jokes that did not make it into Danny’s monologue.

Sadly, none of my jokes made it onto the air this week, but the monologue was shorter because of all the special guests who made an appearance at the first show taped at The Gracie Theatre.

I wasn’t upset about being shutout because I knew that later in the evening, I would be making my TV acting debut in a sketch that I’d written.  In fact, I was in the back of the theater, nervously studying my lines, and hardly noticed what was happening on stage.

Like the Zombies that plague Maine, the Rejects shall rise again.  Here as some of my jokes that didn’t get to be on TV last night…

Husson University is so happy to have The Nite Show on its campus, that the school is making a special offer to everyone at tonight’s taping.  Simply present your ticket stub at the Bursar’s Office any time in the next week, and you will receive two free credits towards the Fall Semester!

Due to all the recent off the field problems, “NFL” will now stand for National Felons League…

Nite Show New SetThis is our first show at the beautiful Gracie Theatre on the campus of Husson University.  Most of our budget went into the construction of this gorgeous new set, so there was no money left to hire writers.  Our motto for this season is: “Gorgeous new set, same lame jokes…”

Governor Paul LePage was supposed to be our first guest of the season, but it turns out that he is banned from Husson University by Campus Security.  Apparently, the Governor got a little wild at a campus party back in the day, and he is now persona non grata around here.  And by “back in the day”, I mean this past June…

We’re headed into week #4 of the NFL season, which as those of you who follow football know, means that the New York Jets have been officially eliminated from playoff contention…

Nutritionists recently released a study stating that brown rice is healthier for you than white rice, and that Ray Rice should simply be avoided at all cost…

In celebrity birthdays, singer and actor Meatloaf turns 67 today, making him one year younger than the meatloaf served tonight in the Husson University Dining Hall…

So what did you think of these jokes, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of the Rejects make you chuckle?  I hope so, because I worked hard on them, and they deserve to know that they inspired some laughter.

nite logoI have been sharing photos from the set on my Twitter feed, so if you don’t follow me on Twitter, there’s another reason to take the plunge.  You’ll find me @Austin_Hodgens.

If you live in Maine, I hope you’re watching The Nite Show every Saturday.  If you don’t live here,  you can like the show’s Facebook page, or follow it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Like Zombies, The Rejects Shall Rise Again!

  1. ksbeth says:

    love the nfl one, and pretty accurate )

  2. jaypochapin says:

    Both the Ray Rice and Meatloaf jokes were killer material; the remainder were a little too local for an out-of-state audience to appreciate, but the effort shows nevertheless. 🙂

  3. So can I share your jokes – giving you credit of course. Love the NFL ones.

  4. grannyK says:

    Love the NFL and Meatloaf ones!

  5. Liked the sports jokes, the Gov. LePage joke, and the Meatloaf joke.

  6. markbialczak says:

    Ray Rice and Meatloaf both made the grade for me, Austin. The other writers must have been on their stride to keep those two off the air.

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