Milford Man To Subsist On Halloween Candy And Pumpkin Beer Until Halloween

candyAs I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions, Modern Philosophers, Mainers take the Halloween Season very seriously.

Thad Boston, of Milford, has come up with his own special way to celebrate the month leasing up to Halloween.

“Could you toss me a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup please?” Thad asks this Modern Philosopher as he motions to the giant bowl of Halloween candy on the living room table, one of a dozen such bowls set up throughout this home.

“Help yourself,” he insists as he unwraps the candy I toss to him on his Halloween decorated recliner.  “It would make me feel little less nervous if you ate some candy, too.”

A good journalist knows that it is best to keep his subject at ease, so I take a Mounds bar from the bucket.

When I ask Thad to explain his decision to survive on only Halloween candy and Pumpkinhead beer for the entire month of October, his eyes glaze over.  At first, I am worried that he has gone into sugar shock, or that the playing of “Monster Mash” on an endless loop has finally caused his brain to explode, but I relax when I realize he is only lost in his candy covered Deep Thoughts.

“I love Maine and Halloween,” he explains as he chomps down on the second peanut butter cup in the king sized package.  “I wanted to do something special to show Mainers and the All Hallows Society just how much Halloween Season means to me!”

pumpkin beerThad washes down this comment with a long pull on his bottle of Pumpkinhead.  He then tosses the empty into the blue recycling container next to his recliner, and the sound of five days’ worth of empty bottles rattling echoes through the house.

Doesn’t he worry about his health?

“Not really,” he answers with a shrug as he grabs another beer from the mini fridge next to his recliner.  He offers me one, but I wave him off.  I’m worried that my questions will become mean if I get tipsy.  “My doctor told me I was in good shape, and since there’s no history of Diabetes or alcoholism in my family, I probably didn’t have to worry.”

I made a note to find out the name of Thad’s doctor, and see what I could do about having his license revoked.

How are his friends and family reacting to this lifestyle choice?

“They love it!” he replies enthusiastically.  “They know every time they come over, it’s all the candy they can eat and a couple of beers.  My friends are kinda booze hounds, so I’ve gotta set a limit.  Beer ain’t cheap.”

Speaking of the price of beer, how is Thad financing this special Halloween Season diet?

All Hallows“I got a nice stipend from the All Hallows Society,” he reveals.  “They got wind of what I was gonna do, and they set up a line of credit for me at Hannaford.  Guess they like  getting Halloween Season free publicity.”

Well played, All Hallows Society.  So why does Thad Boston love Halloween so much?

“When I was a kid, we didn’t have much money,” he answers as he opens a Three Musketeers bar that seems to magically materialize out of thin air.  “Halloween was this amazing day.  People were just giving me free candy, which we really couldn’t afford on our own.  My folks let us cut school on Halloween so we could trick or treat all day, and me and my siblings would hitchhike all over Maine to get candy.”

If you read my blog regularly, Modern Philosophers, you will notice an interesting pattern.  If I report on some odd or frightening behavior, it most likely takes place in Milford, where parents apparently let their children hitchhike and cut school to collect candy.  Let that be a lesson to those of you who are plotting out what towns to visit when you finally do come to Maine.

Does Thad have any closing comments for my readers?

“Happy Halloween, Modern Philosophers,” he says as he toasts all of you with the third bottle of beer he’s opened during our interview.  “If you’ve never been to Maine, I would highly recommend coming during Halloween Season.”

halloweenWhat’s the first meal he plans to have on November 1?

“I’m thinking about doing an all Thanksgiving dinner diet…”

Happy Halloween Season!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Milford Man To Subsist On Halloween Candy And Pumpkin Beer Until Halloween

  1. I wonder what Mentos would do when mixed with pumpkin beer?

  2. ksbeth says:

    ah, and then christmas cookies and candy canes for december?

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