Candy Corn On The Cob Is Maine’s New Magical Halloween Treat

candy cornAre you tired of eating candy corn the same old, boring way, Modern Philosophers?

And by that, I mean by shoving handfuls of it into your mouth until you can barely close it?

If so, do I have some wonderful news for you!

Today’s big announcement at Maine’s Halloween Season Festival was that Ti-Diana, my good friend and one of Maine’s most powerful Witches, had conjured up an entire field of candy corn on the cob.

Now, you will no longer be limited to scooping individual kernels of candy corn out of a bowl, or pouring them directly into your mouth from the bag, Modern Philosophers.

Because of powerful Magic and a beautiful Witch, you can now enjoy your candy corn fresh off the cob like a civilized person!

Ti-DianaTi-Diana is best known for conjuring up the colorful eggs that fill your Easter Baskets every year.  So what made her want to branch out to this holiday?

“I didn’t want to be pigeonholed as just the Easter Eggs Witch,” she told me as she flashed her most charming smile.  “As a Witch, I want to make sure I’m most associated with Halloween.”

“Plus, it’s no secret that I have a sweet tooth,” she continued, “and I know that candy corn is your favorite Halloween treat, Austin.”

Can you tell how deeply I was blushing after she whispered that line in her sweet voice?  Being flirted with by a woman of Ti-Diana’s beauty is enough to make any man weak in the knees, but throw in the fact that she’s also a powerful Witch, and that man melts into a puddle of giddy jelly beneath his toga.

Where does she grow her Magic treat?  Before I could even finish that sentence, Ti-Diana uttered a few words in Latin, and we were transported to her farm in Winterport.

Corn_field_ohio“Those fields are filled with candy corn,” she told me excitedly, as she grabbed my hand and led me at a run towards the green.  “Can you smell the sweetness in the air?”

The entire farm did smell like Halloween candy, and I must admit that it was an extremely appealing scent.

“There’s enough candy corn here to supply the entire planet for this Halloween,” Ti-Diana explained when we reached the field.  “It never goes bad, either, so what doesn’t get used this year will be available for Halloweens to come.  Of course, it’s my goal to give out so much candy corn on the cob to folks at the Halloween Season Festival that there won’t be any left of this year’s crop.”

If fields of candy corn on the cob weren’t Magical enough for you, Modern Philosophers, I will add that the corn was being harvested by Scarecrows.

Scarecrow“I didn’t want my field hands to miss out on all the Halloween fun, so I enchanted my Scarecrows and put them to work,” she told me with a delightful cackle.  “The crows know not to mess with my crops, so the Scarecrows didn’t have anything else to do.  If I only had a brain, I would have thought of that idea years ago!”

What do you think of candy corn on the cob, Modern Philosophers?  Is your sweet tooth aching to try some?  Or do you prefer to eat your candy corn the old fashioned way?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Candy Corn On The Cob Is Maine’s New Magical Halloween Treat

  1. I prefer the old handful 🙂 I enjoy the candy pumpkins too. Happy Day!

  2. ksbeth says:

    brilliant concept, but i’m old school candy all the way. (and the dentist is next week!)

  3. sourgirlohio says:

    Go for regular corn on the cob. Candy corn never goes bad because it’s made from a potion of wax and plastic.
    Jk. This was amusing, even if I hate candy corn:)

  4. D. Parker says:

    I don’t actually like candy unless we’re counting chocolate in which case I love candy! Great post, as always. 🙂

  5. I can beat that….

    Melt one pound of candy corn very slowly in a microwave, stirring frequently, until smooth as syrup (radioactive orange syrup) and stir into 14 ounces of creamy 100% peanut butter. Press the entire sugary mass into a greased 8″ x 8″ pan and then melt 12 ounces of milk chocolate chips the same way to spread over the top. Set in fridge for 3 hours and then cut into 1″ cubes.

    Tastes. Just. Like. Butterfinger.

    (Except it’s 60% less expensive and has actual peanuts in it you can identify. Goes good with scotch.)

  6. hollie says:

    I don’t like candy corn so I vote neither! 🙂

  7. I have an affair with candy corn every year. I adore it. It’s the pumpkin, candy corn’s candy brother, that I cannot stand. Something to do with the green tops…yuck.

  8. LucyJartz says:

    I am wondering if her cobbs are sort of like cow tails, or cookie dough, or a hard candy. I don’t eat a lot of candy, but I would think this was very fun to put out as a decoration, and nibble a kernel or two while waiting for the kids to come in their costumes.

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