The interns were causing too much commotion around The House on the Hill, so I sent them to the Family Archive in Brooklyn to scour through thousands of old photos in search of the proof I needed.
Since this is Halloween Season, I further complicated their task by telling them to only bring me back photos with a Halloween theme.
They returned with four photos, but more importantly, I got some peace and quiet. Since they did all that hard work, I figured the least I could do was turn it into a blog post. The things I do to make my interns happy…
The first photo is from when I was 7. That’s me as the Man of Steel and my little sister as something that gives us all horrible nightmares. Funny story about the clown costume: I first wore it in the Kindergarten play. Evil Step Mother, being the frugal person that she was, then made me made it that year as my Halloween costume. The next year, Jenn had to wear it.
I suppose we were lucky that she didn’t make us wear it on weekends until she felt she had gotten her full money’s worth out of it.
I’m not sure why I chose to be Superman, but with my rippling muscles, I clearly filled out that costume quite well.
I’m wearing my jeans, but they were magically transformed into pirate pants simply by rolling up the bottoms to make giant cuffs.
That’s also a shirt from my closet. The belt is just some rope we had around the house (were we kidnappers?), and that’s a beard that my Evil Step Mother forced me to grow for the outfit.
Do you know how humiliating it was to be the only kid in my class…no, my entire grammar school…with a full beard? All so that she could save a little money. At least I was allowed to purchase the plastic sword that’s on my hip. I used it to slash up the old clown costume the following day.
So, I came up with the costume on the left. I called it “Happy Jets Fan” and it won me first prize at the costume contest at school.
If you’re not a football fan, then you wouldn’t realize that no Jets fan is ever happy. We are always sad and depressed that our team is so horrible. That’s what made this costume so innovative.
I used the money I was awarded for first prize to buy a shovel and lighter fluid. I then dug up the shredded clown costume that we had buried in the backyard the year before, doused it in lighter fluid, and set it on fire.
There was no way we were ever going to have to wear that thing again!
It’s the silly look on my face that really made the costume, though. I argued that the Christmas tree and creche were necessary to really sell the out of control lifestyle of a model.
Evil Step Mother went along with including those items because she was deeply religious, and she was all for getting Jesus out there to the masses.
I’ve got to admit, though, it was a real bitch carrying the tree and creche door to door. I was only able to trick or treat on two blocks that year because I was so exhausted from lugging around my props. That was the last year I worked with accessories.
I’m not sure why I love Halloween so much, when I never got to wear any cool costumes as a kid. Maybe I’m trying to make up for all those lost years?
Do you have any embarrassing Halloween costumes to share with the group?