Throwing It Back To Old School Halloween Costumes

clownsAre you like me, Modern Philosophers, in that you sleep better when you have photographic proof of the fact that you were an adorable child?

The interns were causing too much commotion around The House on the Hill, so I sent them to the Family Archive in Brooklyn to scour through thousands of old photos in search of the proof I needed.

Since this is Halloween Season, I further complicated their task by telling them to only bring me back photos with a Halloween theme.

They returned with four photos, but more importantly, I got some peace and quiet.  Since they did all that hard work, I figured the least I could do was turn it into a blog post.  The things I do to make my interns happy…

The first photo is from when I was 7.  That’s me as the Man of Steel and my little sister as something that gives us all horrible nightmares.  Funny story about the clown costume: I first wore it in the Kindergarten play.  Evil Step Mother, being the frugal person that she was, then made me made it that year as my Halloween costume.  The next year, Jenn had to wear it.

I suppose we were lucky that she didn’t make us wear it on weekends until she felt she had gotten her full money’s worth out of it.

I’m not sure why I chose to be Superman, but with my rippling muscles, I clearly filled out that costume quite well.

pirateWhen I was 9, I wore this “costume”.  I put the word in quotes because this really wasn’t more than everyday clothing converted into a pirate get up.

I’m wearing my jeans, but they were magically transformed into pirate pants simply by rolling up the bottoms to make giant cuffs.

That’s also a shirt from my closet.  The belt is just some rope we had around the house (were we kidnappers?), and that’s a beard that my Evil Step Mother forced me to grow for the outfit.

Do you know how humiliating it was to be the only kid in my class…no, my entire grammar school…with a full beard?  All so that she could save a little money.  At least I was allowed to purchase the plastic sword that’s on my hip.  I used it to slash up the old clown costume the following day.

Happy JetsWhen I was 10, Evil Step Mother got really tight with the cash and would not let us buy a costume.  She challenged us to “be creative”.

So, I came up with the costume on the left.  I called it “Happy Jets Fan” and it won me first prize at the costume contest at school.

If you’re not a football fan, then you wouldn’t realize that no Jets fan is ever happy.  We are always sad and depressed that our team is so horrible.  That’s what made this costume so innovative.

I used the money I was awarded for first prize to buy a shovel and lighter fluid.  I then dug up the shredded clown costume that we had buried in the backyard the year before, doused it in lighter fluid, and set it on fire.

There was no way we were ever going to have to wear that thing again!

cub scoutThis final one is the zaniest of all the homemade Halloween costumes I ever wore.  I called it “Zany Hat Model, Pre Photo Shoot”, and I’m just wearing my robe over my pajamas with a Cub Scout hat.

It’s the silly look on my face that really made the costume, though.  I argued that the Christmas tree and creche were necessary to really sell the out of control lifestyle of a model.

Evil Step Mother went along with including those items because she was deeply religious, and she was all for getting Jesus out there to the masses.

I’ve got to admit, though, it was a real bitch carrying the tree and creche door to door.  I was only able to trick or treat on two blocks that year because I was so exhausted from lugging around my props.  That was the last year I worked with accessories.

I’m not sure why I love Halloween so much, when I never got to wear any cool costumes as a kid.  Maybe I’m trying to make up for all those lost years?

Do you have any embarrassing Halloween costumes to share with the group?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Throwing It Back To Old School Halloween Costumes

  1. rowanaliya says:

    I have been trying to come up with this years Halloween costume and plans for a while and I’m still drawing a blank. I think it’s going to be a last minute thing for both.

    • Austin says:

      Why don’t you just go as Carol from The Walking Dead. It would be the perfect costume for Lil Daryl’s date. You can tell people to look at the flowers all night… 🙂

  2. I won’t bore you with my “we were so poor I went as a cockroach” diatribe. I’ve gone as a ghost with a simple white sheet and eyeholes. That costume could be taken the wrong way, but I was just a little kid without an axe to grind. I’ve also gone as a hobo several times. It came natural to me–required little effort or investment.

    • Austin says:

      I know Halloween is about make believe, and I never felt I was really making believe when I was just wearing stuff from my closet…

      • Understood–it was about having fun, going around the neighborhood. And about getting lots of candy. I though it was funny (and creative) when a neighborhood kid came to the door wearing a cardboard box or something equally zany. I all for zaniness–there should be more of it.

      • Austin says:

        I wish I got more trick or treaters at The House on the Hill…

  3. Joseph Nebus says:

    My best halloween costume was the year we got a new washing machine in early October, so I wrapped it up in aluminum foil and went as the popular “kid in a washing machine box wrapped in aluminum foil, I guess to be maybe a robot or a computer or something”. People who saw me agreed it was definitely a costume of me in a washing machine box wrapped in aluminum foil for some reason.

    • Austin says:

      I misread that at first, and thought you said you wrapped the new washing machine in tinfoil and wore that. I was impressed with your childhood strength! 🙂

  4. My favourite has to be the pirate – an impressive beard! I usually go for the classic cat, or witch…depending on my mood!

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