Maine’s Enchanted Halloween Candy Is Actually Good For You!

candyThe big announcement on Day 22 of the Maine Halloween Season Festival was that the Halloween candy revelers have been eating all month is actually good for them!

That’s right, Modern Philosophers, not only is the candy that’s been passed out all month at the Festival delicious, but it’s also been enchanted so that it is rich in nutrients, promotes stronger teeth, and will help with weight loss.

Of course, my good friends Waltzing Matilda, Volcanica Ivy, and Ti-Diana are the Witches behind the Magic candy.  I met them at their bar, Three Toads & A Wicked Lady, to learn more about today’s big news.

“The All Hallows Society asked us if we could conjure up a spell to make people enjoy the Halloween Season even more,” Waltzing Matilda explained as we all enjoyed a pint of Halloween Brew fresh from the cauldron.  “At first, we thought we’d cast a Happajoiakus Spell over the state so that everyone within Maine’s borders would be extremely content for the entire month of October.”

“But that was too simple, too uninspired,” Volcanica Ivy jumped in to pick up the story.  “Basically, it wasn’t befitting the three most powerful Witches in Maine.”

witchesThey cackled in delight.  I just laughed because Modern Philosophers don’t cackle, even when in the company of Witches.

“We knew we had to do something epic,” Ti-Diana continued.  “It was going to have to blow back the hoods of the members of the All Hallows Society.”

Wow!  Now that was a goal worthy of these three amazing Witches.

“What’s everyone’s favorite part of Halloween, Austin?  Aside from the Witches, of course?” Volcanica posed with a smile.

I told her that, without a doubt, it was the candy.

Waltzing Matilda nodded her agreement.  “It got us to thinking how unfortunate it was that Halloween candy is bad for you.  It rots your teeth, messes with your blood sugar, and causes you to put on weight.”

“But what if we could change that?” asked Ti-Diana, who looked like she has never had to worry about bad teeth, high blood sugar, or weight issues her entire life.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAThus they toiled over their cauldron until they came up with the Reverzikus Metabolis Spell.  Now, any candy enchanted with the spell affects the body in the opposite way it usually would.  It’s enough to make any candy lover smile like the world’s happiest Jack O’ Lantern.

“There are limitations, of course,” Ti-Diana informed me.  “The spell only works in Maine and only during the Halloween Season.  If you eat the candy after October 31, it will have the same, negative effects, even if you are in Maine.”

So if you still needed convincing, Modern Philosophers, about why you should come to Maine for Halloween, I think this is all the push you should need.  Come here right now and stuff your face with Magic Halloween candy.

You won’t regret it, and your doctor and dentist with thank you!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Maine’s Enchanted Halloween Candy Is Actually Good For You!

  1. ksbeth says:

    that sounds like a great invitation –

  2. markbialczak says:

    I wish I had this spell for Hostess Sno Balls when I was a kid on Long Island, Austin. Dang!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s