Frankenstein: “I Might Be Ugly, But I’m No Monster!”

FrankensteinThe Otherworldly Being formerly known as Frankenstein’s Monster paid a visit to The House on the Hill today, Modern Philosophers.

In town for the Halloween Season Festival as a guest of the All Hallows Society, Frank, as he now prefers to be called, is also in Maine to spread a message about self image, beauty, and bullying.

“Thank you for giving me an opportunity to address your readers through your blog,” Frank said in a voice much softer than I’d expected.  “I know you are well respected in the Otherworldly Being community, and this means a lot to me.”

Frank and I tapped our Snapple bottles in a toast to the Halloween Season, and then we sat out on the porch, talked, and watched the rain pound down relentlessly.

“There was a time when a storm such as this was my only friend,” Frank told me as he followed my lead and put his enormous feet up on the front porch railing (I was delighted to finally be in the presence of someone with larger feet!).  “A lightning storm gave me life, and torrential downpours were often my only relief from the relentless pursuit of angry townspeople with torches and pitchforks.”

I reassured Frank that I had checked with my neighbors before his arrival to make sure none of them owned a pitchfork.

angry mob“They were the original bullies,” Frank pointed out with a grim look on his green face.  “Singling me out because I was different, always trying to hurt me, forever attempting to make me feel unwelcome.  People don’t have any idea what I went through because of that bullying.”

I got up at that point under the premise of grabbing more Snapple, but it was really to allow my guest the opportunity to regain his composure and wipe away his tears.

“That’s why I started Frank Is Fine, Austin,” he launched into his pitch when I returned and handed him a Snapple.  “The whole point of Frank Is Fine is to show people that I am totally okay with how I look.  I might be ugly, but I’m no Monster.  That’s become our rallying cry, and I brought you a toga with that printed on it.”

I was thrilled!  The toga was green and had Frank’s smiling face on the front, and the Frank is Fine motto on the back.  I am wearing it proudly as I type this post.

“I go to schools and talk to students about bullying and the importance of having a strong sense of self image.  Not everyone can be a super model, but there’s nothing wrong with not being perfect.  Look at me, I’m sewn together from a bunch of corpses, I’m green, I’ve got visible scars and these weird bolts in my neck, but every day, I look in the mirror and smile at the handsome devil smiling back at me.”

Is Frank Is Fine limited to school kids?  “Not at all,” Frank replied as he smacked himself playfully in the middle of his giant forehead.  “My message is for adults, too.  Real beauty comes from the heart.  If someone only cares about your looks, you don’t need that person in your life.  Frank Is Fine on his own because he is comfortable in his green skin.”

munsterWith that, Frank smiled, pulled out a guitar and played a few Halloween tunes.  Then we gobbled down an alarming amount of Halloween candy, but neither of us minded because we were confident about our self image.

Plus, as I reported on this blog yesterday, Maine’s Halloween candy is enchanted to be healthy.

Despite the rain, a crowd gathered on the Great Lawn of The House on the Hill, urging Frank to play another tune.  He led us in an awesome rendition of “Monster Mash” and then a couple of haunting songs from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”.

When it was all done, the townspeople asked Frank for his autograph and to pose for selfies.  No torches or pitchforks were ever spotted.

Frank is fine, Modern Philosophers.  In fact, I’d say he’s much better than fine…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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21 Responses to Frankenstein: “I Might Be Ugly, But I’m No Monster!”

  1. Hahahahahahahaha! That pic of Herman Munster is of him singing “Dry Bones”. Here’s a clip of it from “The Munsters”. (not great quality, but very funny)

  2. Your post had me thinking that I need to watch the movie Young Frankenstein again with Gene Wilder in it.

  3. If people would read the original book, “Frankenstein,” they would learn about his real beginning and realize the way he has been mistreated by television and movie producers who have never told the actual story. He’s intelligent, articulate, and tried to show love to mankind. He was rejected yes, but there were no mad villagers with pitchforks pursuing him. That’s Hollywood tripe. Let’s recognize his true worth after he was created and before he turned vengeful.

  4. ksbeth says:

    looks like frank is going to do just fine…

  5. Way to be an activist, Frank. Change the world, one person at a time.

  6. idiotprufs says:

    I hope he sang Putting on the Ritz.

  7. susielindau says:

    I love it! Frank IS fine!!!!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! I hope you enjoy meeting all the guests!

  8. Angelia Sims says:

    Frank is a charmer. I bet he gets all the ladies now, too. Fine, indeed! Great story and interview. Stopping by from Susie’s party. 🙂

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