Don’t You Dare Reject These Halloween Treats!

Bear JokeHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, which means that I can share some of my jokes that did not make it onto the air.

Let me give a quick shout out to Jen Murphy, the show’s amazing photographer, who took the photos I’m using on this post.  She also supplied the beautiful daughter, Caitlin, who sat next to me and kept me company during the taping.

In that first photo, you can see Luke holding the cue cards.  That joke on the top card, which led of the show, was written by me.  It was very cool to know that something I’d written was going to start the monologue, and I made sure to point that out to Caitlin before the cameras rolled.  Yes, I still get very giddy when I hear Danny tell my jokes and the audience laughter that (almost always) follows.

This was the Halloween episode, so I got into the spirit of things by adding a Ghost’s wail to my clapping.  I was quite amused when I watched the show and could actually hear my silly Ghost noise.

The show is so jam packed with entertainment that the end credits are often truncated and the writers don’t always get listed.  This week, however, my name was there in big letters for all the world to see.

audienceHere’s a photo of me hiding out in the audience.  As Jen pointed out to me just now on Facebook, my giant head blocks the view of her kid.  I apologize to both Murphy women for the size of the enormous Jack O’ Lantern perched upon my shoulders!

Enough babbling.  I present to you, the Halloween Show Rejects…

Halloween is on Friday, which means that parents get to spend the weekend trapped with children who are hopped up on sugar.  In states where marijuana has been legalized, some stressed out parents might decide to give a whole new meaning to the term “Sugar High”…

The World Series is underway, and nothing says late October more than a bunch of men  in costumes running around frantically trying to get home and score…

Nicole Kidman is reportedly “desperate for another baby”.  Upon hearing that, men from all over the world lined up to volunteer to help her realize that dream…

“The Big Bang Theory” returns to Thursday nights next week.  The show, which had been displaced from its usual slot by Thursday Night Football, is back on Thursdays because all the NFL players have been arrested, and there’s no one left to play football…

The 12th and final season of “Two And A Half Men” premieres this week.  Apparently, no one told those involved with the show that it actually ended after Season 8 when Charlie Sheen was fired…

show 2Once again, it’s that time of year when people all over the country dress up and pretend to be something they’re not.  Of course, I’m talking about politicians preparing for Election Day…

I love this time of year because every channel you turn to on your TV is airing something frightening, spine tingling, and nightmare inducing.  Who doesn’t love those political attack ads???

So what do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of the Rejects make you laugh?  What do you think of Joe’s costume?  I think Joy, Danny’s assistant, did a wonderful job on it, and Joe was actually able to pour coffee out of the spout!

Remember, The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t watch it, you can always like the show’s Facebook page or follow it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Don’t You Dare Reject These Halloween Treats!

  1. List of X says:

    I liked the ones about politics.
    And I had no idea 2 and a half men were still on, I’d think this “half man” kid would have a beard by now.

  2. markbialczak says:

    My favorite reject was the political attack commercial gag, Austin. Dead-on. Enough with those, one week out!!

    Hey, big-noggin’, you built up Caitlin’ so much, and then you go and block out her with your Halloween gourd. Nice work, Austin. Bet that’s the last time Jen volunteers her to watch the show with you!

    Yes, indeed, Joy did a great job with the Box ‘O Joe costume. Real java out of the spout, too! Now that’s the touche’ touch.

    • Austin says:

      If I’d known Jen was taking a photo of us, I would’ve been happy to pose!

      Glad you liked that joke about political attack ads. I was surprised Danny didn’t use it since it touched on Halloween and Election Day.

      Joy is quite talented! She was the woman who acted in the Timbo skit…

  3. JED says:

    I thought they were all good but the NFL comment made me laugh most. Kind of felt wrong afterwards though.

  4. I liked the biting political satire jokes. The Two and a Half Men TV show ended four years ago–pull the plug already. Enough with the stale plotlines, sexual innuendo jokes that don’t go anywhere.

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